Monday, August 22, 2005

Is there a 12-Step Program for Cable?

Current mood: relieved

So, the worst thing about house-sitting is the cable -- because although I have tried to market myself as a fun, interesting person who doesn't need a television to stay hip and relevant, I'm afraid that not having a television has indeed turned me into a true TV-addict.

Let me explain. When I had a television with cable and a DVR. I could turn it off. Sometimes I'd lose an hour or two, but I could turn it off if I needed to get something done.

Not so much anymore. Everytime I get a house-sitting gig, I find that I don't just loose hours anymore. I lose days. Like now I'm back in my TVless studio apartment, wondering where my weekend went. The last thing I remember is arriving at the house and turning on the television. And I never turned it off. You think I mean that I watched TV all day and didn't turn it off until I went to bed, but what I actually mean is that I never turned it off.

The people I'm house-sitting shouldn't have bothered putting new sheets on the guest bed for me, because around 11pm on Friday night, I dragged out a blanket and got comfortable on the couch. I fed the dog, made my own dinner, and checked my email in the office, all with the television on. Then I set the channel to VH1's Soul channel and I went to sleep.

When I left the house on Saturday for brunch with my friend Anika and a production meeting for my play, the goddamned thing was still on. I told myself that I was leaving in on, so that the dog would have some company. But in the back of my mind, I think I knew the truth. I'm an addict, a dirty addict who will fall off the wagon if she gets even a sniff of MTV. When I finally left that hell-hole of tempatation, I had discovered several things:

1. Chris Tucker appearance in "Shake it Off" is due to the fact that he happened to be passing by the day she was filming the porsche scene, and decided to jump in the car with her. (BET Access Granted)
2. Ciara and Little Bow Wow are an item. (MTV TRL)
3. You can't take human medicine on an international flight without a whole lot of impossible paperwork. But if you tell the customs people it's for an animal -- no problem. (HBO, Terminal)
4. It is possible to spend $180,000 on a sweet sixteen party. (MTV My Super Sweet Sixteen) "Dude, that's enough to pay off both our student loans," I said to my sister on the phone. -- no I couldn't turn off the TV, even when she called me.
5. Dave Navarro really loves his wife. And he truly realized this after hearing an INXS lead singer wannabe sing Peter Frampton's "Baby, I Love Your Way," while accompanying himself on piano -- A Rock Star first. (VH1, Rock Star)
6. Jose Canseco has a twin brother. (VH1, Surreal Life)
7. There was actually an episode of Entourage set at the San Diego Comicon. And apparently a bad review from a really powerful blogger can ruin a movie. Also, Mandy Moore is really unstable. (HBO, Entourage)

I could go on, but let's just say I didn't get much done this weekend, and in fact, had to call in sick in order to catch up on all the writing I was absolutely supposed to get done on Saturday and Sunday.

It's so sad. Today I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Back from a magical, enchanted place that was fun, but obviously not where I belong -- especially if I ever want to get anything done.

Maybe I'll move to Antarctica. I don't think they get cable out there.

Currently listening:
I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning
By Bright Eyes
Release date: By 25 January, 2005

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