MARCH is for Aloha

Well . . .

I moved in with CH. Stop gasping, I know many of you thought I already lived with him. I guess I should really just say, I gave up the lease on my North Hollywood studio...okay, now I hear a lot of you gasping, b/c many of you had no idea I had my own apartment. Whatever, the point is I'm now boring and really, really domesticated.

I became a serious practitioner of the Cooking Light magazine. The recipes are exceedingly tasty and healthy! I don't know how they do it, but this is the first magazine subscription I've signed up for in over two years.

I finally started seriously writing Year of the Rapper/Year of the Fairytale, the full-length play I've had listed under the "Currently Writing" section of my resume for the last two years. I actually made it all the way to the end of Act 1 --

Okay, I know what you're thinking: This month may actually turn out to be more boring than February, and to be quite frank, I was beginning to think that, too, but then two things happened:

WE GOT ROBBED!

By now I've told this story about one hundred times, plus it's hard to do a really good re-enactment over a blog, so I'm just going to say this. A thief broke into the house and stole a bunch of stuff, including my cheap Forever 21 jewelry and my laptop.

Of course, I was most upset about the laptop -- mainly because it's the only high-ticket item other than my car that I've ever bought with my own money. And I don't own my car yet (four more years), but I did own my laptop, and the latest non-backed-up version of Year of the Rapper that resided there. I think stealing a laptop is a pretty heinous crime, but stealing a writer's laptop is just mean. But it the end it wasn't so bad. We got a security system, and CH found my exact same laptop on Ebay for $400. Two months later, I sometimes forget that it's not the original deal. Though I never did get the steam back on Years. Alas...

However, this home invasion was kind of made up for by

HAWAII!

CH had a hiatus week, and I had a bunch of vacation days, so we went to Oahu. Here's how I know Hawaii is absolutely one of the best places on the face of the earth: because it rained the entire time, and I still had an amazing time and didn't want to go home.

Here are the highlights, just in case you're ever looking for things to do in Oahu on a rainy day:

Don Ho: No, I didn't know he was still alive either. But dude, he is and croaking out nightly dinner shows in Oahu. I can't explain to you how terrible this show is. The food was bad. The drinks where watered down. The show itself was completely cheesy -- so you know I loved every minute of it. Especially the "Tiny Bubbles" sing-a-long at the end.

The Imperial Palace: It's more like a the Imperial House, but the former Hawaiian royal family was really fascinating. And starting in the fall, you won't be able to go into the actual rooms any more. So if you happen to be in Oahu this summer, do take the docent-guided tour.

Mai Tai Public Service Announcement: It turns out that you don't have to sit on a beach to enjoy this drink. It's good in the rain, too. Now you know, and hopefully you won't ever let a little bad weather keep you from enjoying this ridiculously delicious drink ever again.

Onos: This is a serious hole-in-wall with authentic Hawaiian food that the locals actually eat. Delicious and filling. No wonder some of the best sumo wrestlers in the world come from Hawaii.

Cirque Hawaii: In Hawaii, you'll find a lot of people with pretty much the same backstory, "I was doing this [job] in [mainland state or some other non-paradisical place] and decided that I should do that [job] in Hawaii. Makes sense right? This is why there about a kajillion writers, living in Hawaii, and this is basically the story behind Cirque Hawaii. Two former Cirque dancers decided to do what they were doing in Hawaii. Now I had never seen a Cirque show. If I had, I think I would have appreciated this really bad imitation even more. It makes you realize what a truly amazing experience Cirque shows are, because even a really bad imitation was really enjoyable.

And if that weren't enought, the Middle-Aged White People got drunk again, and this time they did it every night. If you're dying to know what the ukulele version of "Play that Funky Music, White Boy" sounds like, dude, go to Hawaii.