Trapped in the Junction Pt. 1

Once again, it's Sunset Junction time, which means that CH and I are trapped in our home, lest we risk not being able to find parking spaces, since our driveway is currently being occupied by a dumpster for all the debris from our upstairs remodel. 

I'm sad that I won't be able to do my Bollywood Dance class. There's something very therapeutic about jumping up and down while shaking your shoulders and wagging your head from side to side, but I'm looking forward to the annual street fair, since alas, I've managed to break my perfect pink sunglasses and am finally in a place where I could see replacing them.

Also it gives me some free time to post a bunch of random stuff. First up movies:

"TALK TO ME" ... If you haven't seen me since I saw this movie, then you probably don't know that I've decided not be friends with anyone who hasn't seen this film within three months of it coming out on DVD. I (obviously) ADORED it, for too many reasons to properly name. So if it's playing in your city, do our friendship a boon, and go see it.

"STARDUST" ... You know warmed-over Princess Bride still tastes pretty good. Totally worth seeing.

"BOURNE ULTIMATUM" ... Okay, I know all the critics are like in love with this movie. But there's this special kind of structure called "fractal structure." Basically, it's a writing structure, in which the same thing happens over and over again, but in bigger and bigger ways. Eugene O'Neill was the king of fractal. And the third Bourne is actually a perfect example of this hard-to-execute structure. But the thing is, I hate, hate, hate fractal structure -- have never seen the point or attraction of it. Hence, I didn't like this movie.

"ROCKET SCIENCE" ... I find it much harder to write about movies I actually like. But this one about a stuttering kid who decides to join the debate team was very good. And I would recommend it, even though I was hit with several memories of my disastrous year in college mock trial, which I had managed to repress up until seeing this film.

"HAIRSPRAY" ... just as much fun as the play. Though Queen Latifah seriously underwhelmed.

"SIMPSONS MOVIE" ... F.U.N. Like a really long episode. A really long fun episode.

Okay, time to walk down to Sunset Junction. More randomness later. 

Smith is SO hot

Dudes, sorry I've been so quiet. On the 21 days of rewriting my novel and flossing tip right now. The rewrite's going well so far, but flossing every night is like seriously hard -- it's like my most undisciplined time of the day.

But I did want to post this link about Smith being named the hottest women's college in the"25 Hottest University" edition of Newsweek: http://smithcollege99.blogspot.com/2007/08/smith-ranks-hottest.html

Represent your hood, mami!

"There's no truth in roller derby!"

One of my biggest regrets of my wedding is that I wasn't able to invite more Derby Dolls. The problem is that Derby Dolls kind of come in a pack. It's kind of impossible to invite just one. And every time I tried to put one of them on the list, it was like, well then I'd also have to invite so-and-so and so-and-so. In the end, we were only able to include two. "Are you sure you used to do the derby, 'Lil Ness?" my father asked upon seeing Emma Geddon (the 6'0 blond) and Kaboom (the 5'8ish redhead) above. "Them girls look a lot bigger than you." He seemed worried for my 5'3 well-being, though it's been a year since I retired. "Dad," I answered with the swagger that only six glasses of champagne and fuzzy over-nostalgicized memory can achieve, "I was known as the little girl that could take all the big girls down." That claim is "truthiness" at best. Still, I plan to tell my grandchildren the same thing.

Learning is not easy, but it's fun. Today I wrote a synopsis, for a screenplay, and I was shocked at how much better it was than every other synopsis that I have ever written, now that I've actually studied writing synopses.

I also went to my Bollywood class, and can I tell you that I've never had so much fun burning calories. I don't really have the body for Bollywood dancing. I pull off the moves, but I'm not delicate enough to make them look graceful. Luckily, one of the many benefits of hitting 30 is that I'm now more concerned with having fun than looking good. So the class is great.

We're about to go see "TALK TO ME," which I've been wanting to see for a while now. So I'll have a review for you, along with the rest of my summer movie reviews since July 1 for you tomorrow.

Talk to you then,
etc

21 Days of Learning

To-be-weds, if you ever want to encourage many questions about when you plan to have children, all you have to do is go anywhere near a child at your wedding. Luckily my cousin Kim's fraternal 1-year-old twins, Cornell and Mariah. are so adorable that they were worth all the shouts of "You guys look like naturals" and "You should have some of your own." Being such cutie-pies, Cornell and Mariah have become accustomed to getting picked up by all manner of people. And though they were the hit of the wedding, I fear for their safety, because they don't seem to have that "crying when picked up by strangers" gene. And it'd be pretty easy to give into temptation and kidnap these two. Especially since, as you can see from this picture, Mariah is easily mesmerized by jewelery. I'm currently trying to convince my cousin Kim to move out here to L.A., b/c both Cornell and Mariah have had so many pictures taken of them, that they now instinctively go completely still and pose with adorable smiles on their faces whenever they see a camera. I'm not kidding. It's cute in practice, but creepy in theory. So I told Kim that since she's somehow trained her babies to be models at the tender age of 1, she should bring them out here, so that they can at least make a profit off of their deeply disturbing double talent -- and perhaps pay off their college bills ahead of time.

Hey guys, I'm on week 2 of a new 21 days of learning. So I've finally started hitting Yoga classes like everybody else in Los Angeles. Also, I've been scaring myself silly with books like "Self-Editing for Fiction Writers" and "The Sell Your Novel ToolKit."

I know that most of good writing is rewriting, and that it's actually better to take a break from a piece before tackling the rewrite, and that my habit of writing a rough draft and then abandoning it, needs to like stop.

And I'm actually quite excited to start the upcoming 21 days of rewrite with all this new knowledge. But I am also incredibly scared that I won't be able to fix the things that are wrong with my novel, much less get it published. And my abject fear of doing this rewrite is really messing my head and actually keeping me awake at night. It feels like my writing demons are building up an impossible-to-beat army while I take this breather.

But in the end, I suppose that being dead terrified of a thing is never a reason not to do it.

In other news, I'm also taking African Dance, for the first time in 10 years. Those who heard the story I told at Spark's "Water" Storytelling Event last April, will realize the significance of that.

I'm taking the class on Wednesdays at the Heartbeat House in Silverlake. It's fun, and taught by Doris, a West Indian dancer with a ridiculously thick French accent and the even more cartoonish habit of saying, "What! Es eeeee-zeeee!" when we students mess up a complicated move on our first try. Anyway it's fun. I'm also taking a Bollywood Dance class at Heartbeat on Saturdays, which is also fun.

And if you're now all awash in curiosity from my above mention of Spark's Storytelling Event, you'll have the chance to see me perform for only the second time in almost ten years, because Spark has asked me to retell my story for a big event that they're throwing on Sept. 20 at The Santa Monica Library. More details coming at the end of August, but save the date.

Talk to you soon,
etc

Pictures and other stuff

I've never been a fan of having my picture taken, but that's kind of unavoidable at weddings -- seriously I don't know how celebrities do it all the time, because by the end of the day, Christian and I vowed never to have our picture taken again. Anyway, I got an unasked for lesson in modeling that day, because photos like the one above taught me that I should always show teeth when I smile. Otherwise, one of the happiest moments of my life could easily be mistaken for "that time I sucked a lemon." Here's my solemn promise that I will proudly show off my gap, which I actually love, in pictures from now on. Lesson so learned.



Okay, I kind of thought that my return to blogging in June wasn't all that spectacular, but I've been begged fiercely by multiple (read: 2) people over the last few weeks, so I am posting again by hugely popular demand.

First things first, a wedding blog is so daunting, so I've decided to post one wedding pic at the top of each blog with a little anecdote. And if you want to see more pics you can go to our flickr account here. Or if you want to see the professional pics, check out our wedding photographer, Jihan Abdalla's take on the event here -- the password is "ernessa"

Second things second, the honeymoon was FANTASTIC. Christian and I planned to kayak, hike, and take a helicopter ride around the island. And here's what we ended up doing: reading by the pool, hanging out in the hotel room, taking one whole 3-hour hike halfway through, then buying more books, after making a firm decision to spend the rest of our honeymoon reading more books by the pool (lava flows and mai tais very much included) and hanging out in the hotel room. So pretty much it was the best honeymoon ever.

Third things third, a few more updates. I FINALLY finished the rough draft of my novel. SO excited. Yea, 21! Now for 21 days of rewrite. Sigh.

My friend Sebrina just had a BEAUTIFUL baby girl, which she named Madison.

My friend and fellow playwright Kyle is rehearsing a play right now for UnKnown. Can't wait to see it.

And Filly Film Cult has a super-exciting event coming soon, so stay tuned for the details.

Talk to you soon,
etc

Gone Fishin' -- Back Next Week

So this is the last day of my 21, and the first day of my honeymoon. We've just finished eating at one of the most beautiful hotels I have ever stayed in, The Grand Hyatt in Kauai.

We ate for what seemed like the first time in days (I'm told the food and cake at our wedding was very good, but wouldn't really know since I barely had a chance to taste it). Then we sent in the fax number for the hotel to the car appraisal people re: my accident. 

And now we're back in the room. It's 1pm.  So now we plan to close the curtains on the below view. Throw all the unnecessary pillows (even more than pictured) off the below bed, and sleep our asses off. 

Back next week with more blogs -- including a big wedding one -- so hold tight! 

110% Love,

etc

As it Turns Out ...

Our wedding day was like an entire season of "24," but with more ups and downs, and a happier season finale. 

Full Wedding Blog Coming Soon...

Best Friday Ever

I don't have words to describe how great my bachelorette party was. All I can say is my best friend, Monique, and my sister Elizabeth are two of the best people on the face of the earth and accordingly, they threw me the best bachelorette party in the history of bachelorette parties. I had so much fun, and I felt so blessed to have friends from all parts of my life (Los Angeles, undergrad, and Grad School) to celebrate with. Plus, I now know what the inside of a Cadillac stretch limo looks like, so you know, I can like die happy.




And apparently CH had the best bachelor party ever. We got home to find him sitting with his brother-in-law and Monique's husband, Brian. They informed us that they not only had as good of a time as we did, smoking cigars and drinking amazing wine at a local fine eatery. But CH also received a handheld GPS -- of which I'm quite jealous. Then a couple of his friends gave him a frickin' I-Phone!!!! Yes, I screamed when I saw the much-hyped mystical device that I had only ever expected to see pictures of and hear about -- I was that surprised -- I mean it had only been released that morning. Brian told us that a ton of pictures were taken of other guys from the party just posing with the phone, in the way other people might pose with a celebrity.



Still, CH is drastically hungover right now, and I'm feeling great, because I pretty much danced off my massive champagne and wine consumption last night. So I guess I win. On to the Bridal Shower and Rehearsal BBQ tonight.

110% Best,
etc

Another Long Day

But three things make it worth it:

1. Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles tomorrow. This place is like manna on crack. I can't wait.

2. The fact that I wasn't hurt in the car accident. Thanks to everyone that reached out about that.

3. Me in a green seersucker dress for my bachelorette party tomorrow.

And because I hate to leave you with that much positivity. Here's an article that Ima Gitcha, another black derby chick (though I think she's still skating) posted about a year and a half ago, about Bud Dwyer, who basically committed an American version of seppaku in 1987. Random I know, but for whatever reason this story has really stayed with me for over a year and half. And not in the usual writer way. I haven't come up with any deep connections or metaphors for this one. I'm just kind of vaguely haunted by it. And I think you should be to. So read Ima's blog on Bud Dwyer here.

Okay that's all.

110% Best,
etc

To tired to really blog

1. Did a lot of last minute stuff for the wedding.

2. Got into a car accident. Not my fault, but still....

3. Made 150 fan wedding programs using spray-on adhesive glue (which I wasn't even aware existed until tonight), so now my hands look like shit and I feel like shit.

4. Going to bed now.

5. Tomorrow will be better -- it has to...

That's all,
etc

P.S. -- Acetone rocks

'Tis Official...

Today I ....

Woke up at 6:30 in the morning...

Fetched my sister from the airport...

Felt bad because she missed her connecting flight from the night before, had to spend the night in the Dallas airport, and then came into Los Angeles to find that her luggage had been lost. Great sister that she is, the only things that she had carried on was her purse and her bridesmaid dress. Yea, Liz!...

Taped my last show with Ryan until I get back from my honeymoon...

Ate one chocolate Sprinkle cupcake -- it was as yummy as hyped!

Talked with Kelly Clarkson, who's guest-hosting our show, for 15 minutes about my upcoming wedding and why it might be better to elope (I'm not kidding), I don't care if you like her music, buy her album. She's awesome people...

Bid adieu to my workmates until I get back from my honeymoon...

Went to the Beverly Center and bought my entire vacation wardrobe from H&M and XXI for about $100, because most of my old summer clothes don't fit me anymore -- damn 15 pounds, I'm starting to regret losing you...

Kept low-grade arguments going with my sister the entire day -- I'm so happy she's here!

Split a bottle of wine with CH when we got home from the Beverly Center.

Ignored my sister's request that I not talk about her in future blogs ... hi Elizabeth!

Wrote this blog, before going to sleep around 10:30....

'Tis official... I'm old and getting married in T-minus 5 days!

Woo-hoo!
etc

A week from now...

CH and I will be in Hawaii on our honeymoon. That's what I have to keep telling myself, b/c I feel like a walking robot at this point, I've been working so much to prepare for a week and a half off, that my brain is just fried, as evidenced by the fact that with an M.F.A. in Dramatic Writing I cannot come up with a better adjective than the completely cliche "fried" to explain why this is not a very good blog.

Zack, thanks for tagging me. I was beginning to feel like the least popular kid on the playground -- which I actually was growing up, so there was some retro-not-so-good-feeling going on -- though some (bad people) might argue that after not blogging for six months, I did not deserve to be tagged in a timely fashion. Either way, I'm trying to come up with eight random facts that people don't know about me, which is kind of hard, since I talk way too much. But I may have a few fun tidbits tucked away. I'll try to tackle this tomorrow.

Okay, 21 satisfied -- though again, not very well.

Sorry Sorry,
etc

Powered by 100% Vegetable Oil -- Please help!

So as many of you know, CH is in the midst of trading his sporty convertible for an even more kick-ass 4-door 1982 300SD Turbo Diesel Mercedes, which he's had converted, so that it can now run on vegetable oil.

We're lucky enough to live within walking distance of the one of the few places that actually performs these conversions. I won't try to explain how they're done, b/c it's nearly impossible for me to give a mechanical explanation without using the words "thingamajig" and "magic," but if you want to find out more, you can check out their website at www.lovecraftbiofuels.com.

The coolest thing about this conversion is that his new-to-him car can now run on diesel, which is cheaper than regular gas. But it can also run on vegetable oil or waste vegetable oil (WVO) after the first 600 miles. Now being able to run on WVO is a real deal, b/c this is basically the stuff that all restaurants produce, but usually have to pay a $1 per gallon in disposal fees to get rid of. So it's a win-win sitch for both the driver and the restaurant that doesn't have to pay to dispose of their used cooking oil.

CH has almost hit the 600 mile mark, and he's getting very excited. In fact he bought the below fuel filtration thingamajig to run the WVO through before he puts it into his car.



Only problem is that since we live in Silverlake which is like the #1 home of Lovecraft converted cars, the restaurants around here are pretty much tapped.

So if you have a restaurant, catering or even taco stand connection in Los Angeles, please let me know about it. Because CH would love to help them out by taking their used non-hydragenated cooking oil off their hands. And even more importantly, it'll allow us to tool around town, feeling cool AND envrionmental, so definitely hep us to any place you might know of.

Thanks!
etc

I don't know what's more shocking...

That she can do this, or that she obviously got her hair done right before this picture was taken in anticipation of lots of people seeing her do this.

Here's the AP Caption: Jalisa 'The Eyepopper' Thompson demonstrates the skill behind her nickname as she arrives for the grand opening of the Ripley's Believe It or Not Odditorium Thursday, June 21, 2007 in New York. (AP Photo/Jason DeCrow)

More on my Appendicitis

So though, my appendicitis turned out not be appendicitis -- just constipation; apparently, CH's main boss, Jimmy Kimmel, actually did have appendicitis at the exact same time that I thought I had it. And the poor guy even had to have his appendix out as I feared (for about 6 hours) I would have to right before my wedding. You can read more about here.

Spooky. Mayhap I'm not the hypochondriac that bad people (family, non-writer friends, and CH) often accuse me of being. I might just be a vessel harbinger of things to come. Did you ever think of that naysayers?

Oh Cassandra!

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

So you know how you sometimes say, "I'll go to so-and-so movie, even though it looks bad." And then you go in with super low expectations only to be pleasantly surprised, because it's totally better than you thought it would be?

Fantastic Four is not that movie.

Turn back from this road of evil.

That's all,
etc

Having the worse day...

And I think I might have appendicitis. Am headed home to decide whether or not to go to the hospital. But wanted to get a blog in for the day. So here's my blog.

21 satisfied -- though not very well.

etc

Update: Okay, after an informal examination from CH, we determined that I did not have appendicitis, b/c it didn't hurt on my right side. Then we took an incredibly romantic trip to the Rite-Aide and pick up some Ex-Lax. Ah.. that's amore.

Once Upon a Day

Five random Monday thoughts:

1. I finished cooking for the week late last night (I make all of our dinners for the week on Sunday), so this morning I smell like garlic and dish washing soap. I've become a pretty good cook over the last year, but I doubt that I'll ever become a great cook, because a) I almost always measure everything within an inch of its life, and b) I don't taste as I go along -- don't even have the desire to do so. There's just no poetry in it for me. Still, CH thinks I'm a great cook, but I think that's the warm fuzzy talking.

2. I wonder sometimes if my blog isn't quite vain, because I mostly talk about myself. Then again, I don't really blog about politics or anything like that, b/c I don't really think I have many thoughts in that regard that haven't already been blogged or spoken about (better) by others. The best I've been able to come up with is saying "But there's no such thing as global warming, right?" whenever someone from back home in the Midwest says that it's been an unseasonably warm day during the winter. Talking politics used to be so much fun, but nowadays, it feels like nothing less than a deliberate blood pressure spiker. I just get mad, and that's no fun. Anyway, I worry that blogging is just a vain endeavor in general, as I do no particular service. How do other bloggers deal with these feelings?

3. I still miss TV, but I got so much done this weekend, it's kind of scary. I mean I hit ALL of my weekend goals. And I never hit all of my weekend goals. Nobody does. That's the nature of weekend goals. You promise to do all sorts of stuff, and then you watch TV instead. It feels very weird to be in this good of a place on Monday.

4. Yes, Audley Yung is oddly young to be making fire bombs. (For further explanation, see thought # 2 re: my ability to talk about real issues).

5. I miss TV, but I miss Once Upon a Day by Lisa Tucker more.

This book is really hard to logline, but it's basically about a Hollywood couple that has something really bad happen to them, then he kidnaps their two children, and the three become serious isolationists in Arizona. This book is mostly about what happens before and 20 years after the kidnapping. I listened to Once about a month ago, and even thought it was an audiobook, it hit all the cliches about reading hard. It was a page turner, I didn't want to put it down, I didn't want it to end, I could have stayed with these characters forever -- all that good stuff. But I did eventually finish it, and now I'm trying to forget it, so that I can move on to other books without always comparing them to Once. Still, I supposed it's better to have read and lost, than never to have read at all.

I know all the puns and metaphors in this post are pure genius. You don't have to thank me.

Once

Okay, "KNOCKED UP" wasn't showing at the Arclight yesterday, so CH and I decided to see "DAY WATCH" instead. Then we found out that movie is over 2 hours long -- which was a bit of a long haul for what had already been a busy Saturday, so we ended up opting for an indie that's been getting a lot of buzz: "ONCE."



I knew 2 things within 20 minutes of watching "ONCE":

1. This is my favorite movie of the year so far. And
2. I shouldn't have drunk all that water before the movie, because I had to go to the bathroom.

Anyway, even with the pit stop, the movie was AMAZING. It shows what you can do with a little scratch, if you have good writing, good story, and a novel way of telling it. I don't want to say too much about it, b/c there are a ton of lovely discoveries in this film. But I will say that it actually made me nostalgic for my starving artist days, and that I'm so HEARTing The Frames right now.

That's all.

Good News Deserves a Good Movie

CH just got cleared to enter the 600 (aka The Director of Photography) union -- yea! It's a big deal, and I'm exceedingly proud of him. So instead of doing something scintillating like assembling our rehearsal dinner invitations, we're going to dinner and a movie to celebrate. Which reminds me that I haven't done any movie reviews in like a year. Luckily this summer is making it very easy for me.

SPIDERMAN 3: Sucked and was long and was unnecessary. But the last 15 minutes were good.

28 DAYS LATER: Had MASSIVE nightmares that night. So good. So scary. Still think about it from time to time and shiver a little.

SHREK THE THIRD: Both 1 & 2 were better. But I wouldn't mind a fourth. Even just-okay Shrek is better than most animated movies coming out these days.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: If urban sprawl could form itself into a pirate movie, this would be it. But I liked it, just because I turned off my inner-critic after the first 5 minutes and enjoyed the ride.

OCEANS THIRTEEN: Better than Ocean's 12. Not as good as Ocean's 11. Beautiful cinematography. Worth seeing.

Sorry, that's all I've seen so far. The 21 days of "not spending" kind of threw my movie-watching for a loop.

But right now am leaning towards "KNOCKED UP" for tonight. Partly because my boss has a cameo in it, but mainly because I've heard it's like Woody Allen good -- if Woody Allen's movies were a tad bit too long.

TV

As regular readers of this blog know, I didn't have a TV for like a year and watched everything exclusively on Netflix -- which limited my viewing. But then I met CH and I got re-addicted. His upgrading to HD the first winter after we started dating didn't help matters much. And soon I started watching way too much. I watched at home. Then after I got my office, I started watching any show that was broadcast on the Internet by ABC, NBC, CBS, and CW and when I say any, I mean ANY -- yes, I know how the first and last season of Daybreak ended. But I knew that I had hit rock bottom after the normal television season ended, and I found myself watching ABC's "The Ex-Wives Club" and the CW's "Hidden Palms." Trust me, if you've seen even a minute of these shows, you would not understand how a person could sink so low. I feel filthy just thinking about it.

So for the metaphysical part of my 21 days I decided to give up TV and video all together. I usually try to do something practical and something Lent-y for these 21 days. For example my last 21 was writing my pilot script and not spending any money on anything that wasn't for survival (food for cooking) or for the wedding. I thought not spending any money was very hard, and it was very, very hard.

But I miss TV. I miss it so much, even though I know it's no good for me -- especially in the summer.

Still, not everything about my descent into total TV Junkiedom was bad. Here are some of the great programs I would never have discovered if they hadn't been streamed on the internet:

1. Friday Night Lights: Now, I actually went to school with and genuinely like and respect Gaius Charles, the actor who plays the ridiculously cocky Smash Williams in this outstanding drama, but I swear I barely remember I know him when I'm watching this. I'm so engaged, I really don't understand why this program is having ANY problems with ratings.

2. How I Met Your Mother: In another strange coincidence, one of the writers for this show, Kourtney Kang graduated 2 years before I did from the same writing program, and is one of the first people my class met when we came out from L.A. In another strange coincidence, my sister and I discovered this program seperately, and both LOVE it, especially Barney. The only downside of it is that almost everyone -- including the guest stars -- are more interesting than the main character, which is why I almost resent any storyline that actually revolves around him, because ironically, I've ceased to care how he met his kids' mother.

3. Jericho: I loved watching a town get built from nothing during the first season of Deadwood, and I enjoyed watching a town disintegrate in the first season of this show. Hope they do wrap everything up with a 6-ep stint as is being hinted around.

4. Dancing with the Stars: Laila Ali doing the Mambo. I don't think anything else need be said.

5. 30 Rock. The only thing better than Tracy Morgan and Alec Baldwin, I've discovered, is Tracy and Alec in a scene together -- especially if Kenny the Page is involved.

Have I mentioned that I really miss TV? This is going to be a long 21 days.

Updates

Okay, I know for those of you who haven't seen or heard from or read about me in a while, that you're probably most interested in updates. Well, here's the quick and dirty lowdown.

I LOVE MY JOB: Being a full-time writer is even better than I ever expected. I actually seem to be writing MORE of my own stuff, and my propensity for going overlong -- that's like gone. However, I can't really talk about most aspects of my job, like by contract I can't talk about it. So suffice it to say, I've learned a lot, and I will NEVER EVER go back to dayjob. Never, never, never. Plus, I have my own office -- which is nice.

THE WEDDING: Is about two weeks away. CH and I are getting married on July 1, and if you weren't invited, it's not because I don't love you, it's because planning a wedding is an insane, expensive bitch of a time, and not everyone would fit. I'll spare you the details of all of the wedding plans, but I will say that it's a little like having a baby. At first you're really excited, but by week 37, you just want the damn thing out, so that you can spend the rest of your life with it already.

MY LIFE: See the first two updates. That's pretty much it -- which is probably why I haven't been blogging so much.

21 Days Later

I'm baaaackkkk -- at least for 21 Days. I'm hoping if I blog for 21 days, it'll become a habit. Now anyone, who's talked to me since March knows that this is the latest in a long line of 21s. Basically 21 is my new religion, based on that old adage, "It takes 21 days to create a habit." So far, I've exercised for 21, eaten well for 21, worked on my novel for 21, and worked on a pilot script for 21. The result being, I've lost 15 pounds, am seriously almost done with my novel, and have a kick-ass pilot as a calling card. Nice.

Eventually, I hope to write a book about this -- yes, I plan to write at least the rough in 21 days. But I just wanted to establish the 21 thingamigig, so that you won't be confused when I reference it in blogs to come.

Also, I want to say that, 21 days straight is a lot for a blogger as sporadic as me. I cannot guarantee that my blogs will be funny or even good. But, of course, the utmost thing that a blog should strive to be is a blunt instrument of procrastination, and in that regard, I hope I serve you well... at least for the next 21 days -- save Fridays, because that's when I write the post for my work blog, which can be found at here. If you've ever wanted to see me channel my inner Meg Cabot -- and I know ALL of my guy friends do -- then this is the place to go.

Okay, let's do this.

I admit it... I've been cheating on you with another blog...

But at least I'm getting paid for it.

Some facts that didn't make it into the below story, since we like to keep it positive at AT40.

1. CH and I were really pissed it took Prince so long to come on stage.
2. The tickets were too expensive for a General Admission show. And...
3. Prince must really rock, b/c we really enjoyed ourselves despite 1 & 2.
4. The IM talk is for the kids. Please forgive.

Anyway here's the blog I wrote for AT40.com (i.e. -- the people that pay me and unfortunately keep me from updating my own blog as often as I would like. But I promise I'll be better in the '07)

Purple Betty

So I was recently taken on a birthday trip to see the legendary Prince perform at the 3121 Club in Vegas...

I have absolutely no purple "going out" outfits in my closet - of course I've never really needed a purple going out outfit before the Prince concert came up. But still, it would have been nice. I ended up wearing a magenta sweater over my sparkly "HIP HOP" T-shirt along with my pink and green Converse and my teal glasses. I figured, "Close enough."

OMG, absolutely no one was wearing purple at the club. In fact most of the other women were wearing fabulous black dresses and heels, much like the ones I had passed up in favor of my frumpy-but-sorta-of-purple ensemble in spirit of the occasion.

When Prince finally took the stage (2 and a 1/2 hours after the time printed on our tickets). HE WASN'T WEARING PURPLE. But I had to admit: he did look fabulous in his yellow suit. At one point, Prince shined the spotlight on individual concert-goers who would then dance, while he commented. I was deathly afraid that he would shine the spotlight on me and say, "She thinks that sweater's purple... but it's really magenta."

I stood very still. Like a wood-dove. When a predator is near.

BTW, after his one costume change, Prince came out and sang "PURPLE RAIN" in a red suit!!! I seemed to be the only person in the swaying crowd who found this completely sacrilegious. But maybe that's because everyone else was wearing black.

However, the club floor was concrete. And the wait was 2 and a 1/2 hours. So while a steady stream of well dressed women limped out of the club in their fabu heels throughout the concert, I danced from beginning to end in my Converse. I even jumped and threw rock horns when he closed the show with "LET'S GO CRAZY" aka the BEST Prince song of all time. LOL, so despite being way under-dressed, I had a wonderful time.

And two days later "UGLY BETTY," America Ferrarra won the Golden Globe for Best Actress in a TV comedy. Go figure. TTYL

Is it just me?

Or does Knott's Scary Farm sound like "Not Scary" Farm when you hear it advertised on the radio?

Not that I'm planning on going... it just kind of seems like bad marketing...

Good News Always Comes in Fives

Honestly, I've never heard this said, but the last two weeks have made me a believer.

1. I quit my job. August 25th was my last day. Luckily, I had script supervising for Sallie's awesome short and pre-production for my own short to fill up my next week, because I had to have something to do in between all the anxiety-induced super nightmares that followed. Strangely enough, even after waking up with a scary-fast heart beat after dreaming about being chased by angry natives through the African desert after getting off the NYC subway at the wrong stop, I never regretted quitting -- or reconsidered breaking my promise to myself to never, ever work another bullshit office day job again unless a starving child is involved.

2. CH asked me to marry him on August 30. And, of course, I said yes. I've been trying to figure out some clever way to announce this on my blog for the last week and a half, but for once, I don't feel like being clever. I'm just so happy. So incredibly happy. That's all.

3. We shot my short film, 15 Ways. We're still in post-production until this Friday, so I can't really paint a clear picture of the process yet, but check out what my fellow scribe and the most awesome Production Manager ever, Rob wrote about it here. And see what my other friend and playwright, Kyle, wrote about it here.

4. I got a new job. This is the really scary one, because I was absolutely not expecting this. But it's basically writing the weekend radio show, American Top 40 w/ Ryan Seacrest. Those of you who know me, know that this is the perfect job for me, b/c I basically love, love, love pop culture, and can't believe I now have a job that'll allow me to read US Weekly and other gossip rags without guilt -- because it's for work. Also it's more money than all of my past terrible day jobs, and the hours are fab, and it comes with bennies. So yea . . .

5. I'm Walking on Sunshine. I'm still trying to figure out what to do with all this happiness. I feel very, very optimistic, and that scares me. But every so often I stop trying to process all my good news for a second and think: Maybe something bad will happen. Maybe the other shoe will drop. And maybe I'll still be happy. Maybe I'm growing up.

Or something like that . . ..

Busy as an etc

I mean way to busy to even be funny. It's kind of sad. Anyway, here's a really boring update of my exciting life.

1. Went to St. Louis with CH, and he met the fam. Highlights included:

a. The family picnic, where CH finally had real St. Louis BBQ.
b. Meeting the preemie twins my cousin gave birth to in July. They finally came home from the hospital the day we flew in for the picnic, and I can't explain how cute these babies were. So small. Like little cocoon things, but stronger now and curious.
c. Afternoon cheesecake with my two aunts who bicker like middle-aged versions of me and my sister. So looking forward to getting old and grumpy.
d. Dinner, cornbread, espresso, three-buck Chuck (add a dollar in the Midwest for shipping) and good conversation with my mentor and second mother, Mrs. Rowan and her husband.
e. Breakfast in the whitest part of St. Louis County with my father and stepmother. Yes, my father chose the restaurant. Yes, we suspect he chose it because CH is white. Yes, I'm still wondering how CH managed not to be offended.

2. Script supervisoring for my friend Sallie's short film. She was kind enought to send me this wonderful explanation of what it is exactly that a script supervisor does. And she didn't get mad that I asked her for a definition of what a script supervisor does 21 days after I agreed to take the position and three days before principal photography was set to begin. Man, that chyck is cool.

3. Script supervisoring for my own short film, "15 Ways to Dump A Girl," which we'll be shooting over Labor Day Weekend. CH is directing. Rob Ripley is PMing. Kalimba and just about every male actor I know is starring. Should be tons of fun. Will keep you posted.

4. Caught a cold on Monday, and acted a fool for three days. Though, I did not claim tuberculosis as I did during the Great Three Day Flu Scare of 2002, I did repeatedly beg CH and Sallie and Hettie Banger to "get a rifle and put me down like Old Yeller" during the worse of it. But yeah, I'm feeling better now...

5. Halfway through my novel. Yea! 150 more pages to go...

Okay, that's all.

One or Two or Three (sometimes Five) Line Movie Reviews

Here are my one or two or three line movie reviews. I'll be updating this entry throughout the summer and bumping it back to the top.

Star means new review.

*Half Nelson: Darn the indie gods. This opened in NYC two weeks ago, but I'm still waiting for it to come to L.A. This is made worse, because NPR has been crushing on it ever since it opened, and I am sincerely jealous. Much gnashing of teeth and rending of clothes will abound until I, too, am able to witness The Notebook's Ryan Gosling hitting the crackpipe.

*Talladega Nights: The Tale of Ricky Bobby: So dumb but so funny. Strangely enough, the only wrong note was Amy Adams. I know I'm supposed to be in love with her along with the rest of the world, but it was like she was acting in an entirely different movie. Anyway, Sasha Cohen is a genius, and his performance makes up for any wrong notes in the movie.

*The Descent: Better written than most horror movies, but this one lost me at what I like to call stupid white women doing stupid white shit -- like extreme spelunking. There were no black people whatsoever in this film, and for once, I felt that was entirely appropriate.

Little Miss Sunshine: I loved this movie so much, I don't even want to talk about it, because all I will do is gush. But I will say this: Anyone who doesn't like this movie is a terrible person. And this: Olive Hoover for President. That's all.

Pirates of the Carribbean: Needlessly Extended Action Scenes + Total Audience Manipulation + Johnny Depp to Distract You From the First Two Elements = Pirates of the Carribbean. Watch the best review I've seen of this movie at AskaNinja.com.

Monster House: If you have kids under 10, do not take them to this movie. I'm 29, and I was cowering underneath for my seat most of the movie. If you can get past the heart-stopping situations, this movie has a great story, look, and such good camera work, it's almost bad, because it's kind of distracting.

The Devil Wears Prada: Okay, I and every other girl I know loved this movie. It had clothes, clothes, and (unlike Nacho Libre), a plot-line to best display those clothes. It was like a movie aimed directly at my inner girly-girl. I can only tsk at all the men that gave this a movie of bad review. "Silly Critics, Prada is for Chycks!"

A Scanner Darkly: I liked this movie a lot. Amazing look, intriguing plot. Plus, I love stories that just completely turn you off of a bad thing. Like I always figure people who committed crime after 1997 had never watched a complete season of HBO's prison-drama OZ, and after watching this movie, there's no way I'm ever touching LSD.

Superman: I had really low expectations for this, but let me tell you, it had me hooked at the opening credits. You never know how much you miss an icon until his theme music starts playing. It was a tad too long, and the Lois Lane character way too self-involved (after a five-year absence, she won't even take the time to say a proper hello to Clark Kent). But the action scenes sang operatic and the characters were actually complex. Long live Bryan Singer.

Mission Impossible 3: Good script by J.J. Abrams, but I think we're all sick of Tom Cruise.

X-Men 3: Totally okay. You won't ask for your money back.

Prarie Home Companion: My fellow blogger and friend, Kyle Wilson, called it mediocre, but I loved it. It was so touching, sweet, and melancholy, I cried and cried. Somehow, it kind of reminded me of my almost visceral reaction to my favorite movie of all time, the Seventh Seal.

District B-13: It's bad acting (I could tell even though it was in French), implausible situations, and really bad story structure. But it's so much fun, and the stunts are so awesome, you probably won't care.

Inconvenient Truth: As it turns out, the real horror film is the environment's future.

Nacho Libre: Bad and so disappointing. I love Jack Black and screenwriter, Mike White, but not enough to watch them masturbate for an hour and a half.

And now for my seven-word Poseidon review. WARNING: MAJOR SPOILER ALERT

Poseidon: I'm glad all the white people survived.

Riddle Me This...

Did anyone else who saw last Sunday's (08/07/06) episode of Entourage think a huge ad fee was paid by the Vegas Tourism Board? I'm muy suspicious...

That's all.

LOVE Vegas-style

So CH and I went to Vegas for our one year anniversary to see LOVE, the new Beatles-inspired Cirque du Soleil show.


I had high expectations, but I had no idea. Let me tell you , it was probably the least acrobatic Cirque show ever, but is was so visually amazing, from the very first number, I just didn't care. It was so good, I don't even want to tell you any details about it, because I don't want to spoil one moment of it for you.

But I felt like a child watching it. And by the time they played "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds," I was openly weeping. I LOVEd everything and everybody.

I've been trying to remember the term for having a completely emotional reaction to a piece of art ever since. I think it starts with an "s"...

Other highlights:

Rum Jungle, the Brazillian Rodizio by day/discoteche by night at Mandalay Bay.



Having been burnt before, CH and I went in with a plan to turn down all bready and filling items offered beforehand, so that we could save room for the all-you-can-eat meat.

But the Rum Jungle folk are crafty for sure. They offered us four types of bread, including sweet potato and jalepeno. Which with Midwestern me and California CH is a perfect one-two punch. They also brought out black beans and coconut rice with the most lovely plantains. It just about killed me to eat only one.

But it all worked out it the end. We made it through the full rotation of meats. I even got seconds on the spicy honey-mustard turkey breast, which was so moist, you wondered if the turkey it had been made from hadn't spent it's entire life lounging in a vat of orange juice. And best of all, we had a bowl of plantains for the dessert. Mmm-mmm.

House of Blues Sunday Gospel Brunch: I've been meaning to go to this for a while in L.A., so was happy to see there was also one in Vegas.


The food was good, and the service was terrible. So terrible, in fact, that I found myself having to go up the bar to refill the coffee thermos for our entire section. This wouldn't have been so bad, but the gospel singers somehow chose the moment I was heading back to the table to thank the servers -- A spotlight came down on me and grudging applause went up from the audience. I'm sure a few people were wondering why I hadn't refilled their coffee yet. Apparently, Christians expect good service -- even on the Lord's Day.

Still, the show was great, and I totally solved a tricky screenplay I wrote three years ago, while they were singing, "An Angel Done Signed My Name." I love when that happens!

The Hotel: To my delight, we stayed at the Luxor, which rocked, because everything was Egyptian-themed in the tackiest way possible -- even the carpets.


And because the hotel's shaped like a pyramid, we got to ride in the inclinator, an updated, and 10 times less unsettling version of the creaky St. Louis Arch elevator, which also swings back and forth in order to take you to the top.

The only drawback: Carrot Top is their mainshow, and there were ads for him everywhere. And he's got these huge muscles now, so there's like even more of him. Ugh, I'm still seeing that red mop top in my nightmares.



The Heat: Yes, Vegas is hot. We only left the air conditoned Luxor-Mandalay Bay compound twice. It was 112 degrees, and unlike the rest of the country, they weren't having a heatwave. Apparently this is a typical summer in Vegas. I'm still wondering how people actually live there.

The First 24 Hours of the Rest of My Life

June 28, 2006

7:00pm - CH and I were supposed to go to the gym, but I'm too anxious about the FX announcement to do anything but sit in a dark movie theater, so we head down to the Mann Chinese to see the new Superman.

8:00pm - We're at the Mann, but nearer the front, b/c we didn't get there an hour beforehand. Actually, the seats weren't that bad, but we've kind of gotten used to the assigned seating, quiet audience, plenty of legroom, only two trailers loveliness that is the ArcLight. And after the ArcLight, everywhere else kind of seems like the Wild West somehow.

9:00pm - Superman is really good. Read my three line review here.

10:00pm - Still watching Superman....

11:00pm - Call one of our co-producers, Steve, about the contract that FX has sent over for us to sign before the winner is announced -- though we tried to read into this as a sign that we were at least in the top 5, a later reading of the Sunny FX boards would reveal that all the semi-finalists were sent this contract just in case. It's actually in the contract that we're not allowed to talk about the contract, but I will say this: "Draconian" isn't just a Da Vinci Code clue.

12:00am - I tell CH, "I'm never going to be able to get to sleep." Then I'm out cold about five minutes later. You can take the girl out of sleep-deprivation . . . actually, you can't take the girl out of sleep deprivation, which is probably why I fell asleep so fast.

1:00am - Still sleeping.

2:00am - I probably rolled over.

3:00am - I vaguely remember pulling the covers back on top of me after kicking them off in the five hot minutes before I fell asleep.

4:00am - 4am pee! Wee! Get it, wee? What? It's 4am, a wee double entendre is the best I can do. Geez...

5:00am - Still sleeping.

6:00am - The alarm goes off. I think about getting up and starting my day early, so I can leave work early, then I roll over. I hear CH get up about 15 minutes later.

7:00am - Okay, I'm up. CH has already left for the day, because he's basically a better person than I am. I check my email, to see that Steve's left me a message about the FX contract. I return it, and then I update my podcasts and my Ipod. African-American Roundtable, here I come.

8:00am - I get to work around 8:13. I choose the stronger pot of coffee that they keep on the back burner for the braver folk. I have a feeling it's going to be a very long day. At the very least, I know it's going to be 12 more hours until I find out the fate of Who You Know.

9:00am - Listening to my podcasts. Today I learned that:
1. Most American support flag-burning bans, but don't want a law written in the constitution about it. Gallup Poll Daily Briefing
2. TV sitcoms aren't dying, but they are in an assisted care facility and no one ever comes to visit them. And somehow I manage to diassociate myself and everything I'm working towards from this podcast. Seriously, thank you, God, for the gift of denial. Martini Shot
3. Eminem joined Busta on stage at the BET Awards. Apparently is was big -- but pleasant surprise. MTV News
4. Some Republican senator has proposed taxing prostitutes and pimps. NPR: African-American Roundtable
5. There really is a city called Metropolis. But it's in Illinois. And doesn't have movie theatre. NPR: Most Emailed Stories
6. Sensitivity Training was invented in the 1940s. Slate Explainer

10:00am - Switch from podcasts to an audiobook. Try not to think about the contest. But apparently I am, and I think it might be driving me a little crazy, because I turned down an invite to watch the results at one of the promo actresses' house, and I honestly thought the following was an appropriate reply, though I've only met this person twice:

Deanna, thanks for the invite. However, we have an East Coast feed for the FX channel, so I'll be watching it alone at 7pm and plan on spending the rest of the night in the fetal position if things don't go according to what I hope is God's master plan. So I won't be stopping by . . . I'm tired and cranky and working very hard on developing an ulcer.

Best,
etc

11:00am - Enter fuel surcharges into the AS400 program at work. Yes, this actually even more boring than it sounds. But I like it, because it's doesn't require a lot of mental work, which gives me more brainwaves to dedicate to worrying about the contest.

12:00pm - I receive a call that I can't really talk about here. Then Kalimba calls me to let me know she and Steve have signed the contract and left it under Steve's doormat for me to pick up, sign and fax.

1:00pm - I get another call that I can't really talk about, but definitely plan to blog about later.




2:0opm - Kalimba calls and say Steve's lawyer doesn't like the contract for reasons I can't legally talk about. We schedule a conference call for three. I tell my boss, who is actually super duper nice what's up, and ask to leave at 3pm. She completely understands in that way that only L.A. bosses do. I finally eat lunch, though I have no appetite. It's an orange pork and scallion dish with matchstick carrots courtesy of a Cooking Light recipe. It's actually really yummy. I eat and read the immensely disturbing second act of Daniel Clowes (Ghost World) graphic novel, David Boring.


It's a lovely half-hour of calm, during which no one calls or emails. But almost as soon as I get back to my desk, an email pops up from Steve's lawyer, with a list of problems with the contract and a recommendation that we not sign it.

3:00pm - Steve, Kalimba and I talk about the contract. Then we talk about it some more. About an hour later, we all agree to sign it anyway. I briefly consider adding a bloody fingerprint after my name, but then decide against it, but only because it wouldn't translate over a fax.

4:00pm - Send the contract off to Kinko's and decide that I'm going to blog about my 24 hours before the contest announcement. My heart rate is still way up, and though I'm not feeling any pain yet, I have a feeling I'm making really good progress on my ulcer.

5:00pm - I'm back at home. I watch reruns of Girlfriends and try not to think about the contest.

6:00pm - I don't have any episodes of Girlfriends left on the Tivo, but when I turn on live TV, I see that they have an episode on BET. Before I know it, it's 7pm.

7:00pm - Steve arrives at my house to watch the East Coast feed of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I'm happy to have him there, but it does mess up my plan to watch the both episodes in the fetal position.

So the way FX decides to do this, at the beginning or end of every commercial break, they announce one of finalists, and at the end of the season premiere, they announced the winner. So even if you didn't win, you'd have to watch at least 45 minutes of FX to find out you weren't even in the running. Sneaky, sneaky FX. Well, here's how it went down:

1st commercial break: Side Show
2nd commercial break: Party Animals
3rd commercial break: Subs
4th commercial break: Gloomy is the New Clear
5th commercial break: WHO YOU KNOW

Yes, by 45 minutes into the hour we had started talking in fake-cheery tones about how making it the Top 20 was a huge honor, and how we should just be happy with that.

Yes, we did go crazy when our show was finally announced, jumping up and down like Rocky on top of the steps. And . . .

No, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be when we found out 10 minutes later that we didn't win the $50,000 prize.

That honor went to Subs. And honestly, watching Sunny, I could see why. Though I think our show was better executed, their concept went more with what seems to be FX's vision for their comedy department.

However, I didn't curl up in the fetal position. Instead, Steve and I walked down to Pazzo Gelato, and talked about the pilot we were still going to shoot, and the rewrites we wanted to make, and just how dope FX Top Five would look on our resumes.

I took a chance and tried the white peach sorbetto and the root beer float gelato together.

And I wasn't surprised when it turned out to be delicious.

WE MADE FX'S TOP TWENTY!!! PLEASE VOTE

By this point, you've probably received some kind of email, phone call, or electronic notice that I co-wrote and co-produced a promo for a series called WHO YOU KNOW, about eccentric artists living in L.A. Well, the promo was selected out of 3000 submissions to go on to the Top 20 of an FX Channel's competition to find the best pitch for a new series.

And the winner will get $50,000 to shoot a pilot. Dude, I'm so excited, but we need your help to get to the top spot

Right now, please go to www.myspace.com/sunnyfx and vote for WHO YOU KNOW.

You must have a MySpace account to vote, and check it, YOU CAN VOTE EVERY SINGLE DAY, until the winner is announced on June 29 during the Always Sunny in Philadelphia second season premiere.

If you have trouble watching the movie on the sunny fx page, go to our page at www.myspace.com/whoyouknowla and watch and vote from there.

Yea! Stay tuned to this page to see what happens.

Okay JUNE is for Catch-Up

First of all, if you're ever in Silverlake, CA, you must check out this new place, Pazzo Gelato. I'm saying this, even though they don't really need your business, as most nights they have a line out the door. But every gelato is made fresh on the premises with real ingredients, and every one is just ridiculously delicious -- seriously, I think a deal with the devil was made, and I can't hate 'em for it, because I now have a crack-like addiction to the stuff. Check out L.A. blogger's Juli B's review here.



CH and I had gelato with our mutual friend, the fantastic candyblogger, Cyble May, and her husband, and she asked me in her usual super-straightforward way if my blog was now defunct. As I stared embarrassed into my lemon mint (like a mohito, but in sorbetto form) and grape scoops, CH explained to her that I had been working on my blog, but was saving most of my entries as drafts. Then she said the words that would inspire me to actually finish catching up my blog:

"You know, as a blogger, you don't have to be good," she told me. "you just have to be there."

Well I can't argue with that, or this Pazzo Gelato cinnamon milkshake recipe that appeared in the Los Angeles Times:

Pazzo Gelato's cinnamon milkshakes

June 14, 2006

Total time: 20 minutes, plus several hours chilling and freezing time

Servings: 4

Note: From Pazzo Gelato in Silver Lake. Vanilla paste and Madagascar Bourbon vanilla extract can be purchased at Surfas in Culver City, Sur La Table and Williams-Sonoma stores.

Gelato

3 cups whole organic milk

1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar

1/4 cup vanilla paste

1 teaspoon Madagascar Bourbon vanilla extract

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1. In a medium saucepan, combine the milk and sugar. Cook over medium heat, stirring until the sugar is dissolved, about 5 minutes.

2. Remove from heat and stir in the vanilla paste, vanilla extract and one-half teaspoon cinnamon. Allow the mixture to cool, then cover and refrigerate for several hours or overnight.

3. Transfer the mixture to an ice cream maker or gelato machine and process according to the manufacturer's instructions. Place in a container and freeze. Makes 1 quart.

Milkshakes

1 recipe cinnamon gelato

1 cup whole organic milk

1/2 cup heavy whipping cream

1/2 cup fresh whipped cream for garnish

1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon for garnish

1. Allow the gelato to sit out for about 10 minutes before scooping. Make the shakes in two batches. In a shake machine or blender, mix four (4-ounce) rounded scoops of gelato, one-half cup milk and one-quarter cup heavy cream. Blend until smooth. Pour into two glasses. Repeat.

2. Top each shake with a dollop of whipped cream and a sprinkling of cinnamon.

Each serving: 469 calories; 9 grams protein; 51 grams carbohydrates; 0 fiber; 24 grams fat; 15 grams saturated fat; 85 mg. cholesterol; 115 mg. sodium.

MAY is for CATCH-UP (and more wine tasting)

Okay,

I was feeling spunky in May, so I decided to catch up my blog, and I got off to a good start, logging a bunch of months, and saving them as drafts, but then . . .

I went to New York to meet CH, who was on the lighting team for the 2006 Fox Upfronts. Upfronts are basically a big pitch show that all the broadcast networks put on for the ad men every year, to get them to buy ads on their old and new shows. I loved this show, because it was basically an hour of trailers and really implausible sales figures. The only thing killing the enjoyment were the ad execs. Dude, they don't laugh at anything. It was really kind of uncomfortable, like watching a funny and light-spectacular show in a crypt.

I actually felt sorry for the actors. You always hear that they "get trotted out" at these things, but seriously this is what they do. Towards the beginning of the show, all the FOX show stars walk out while being announced like show horses. They wave, and then they leave. Most of them don't even speak. And if they do speak, they're either a comedian or the star of a show that's doing exceedingly well. Here are shows that I'm looking forward to:

1. Til Death with Brad Garrett of Everybody Loves Raymond fame. The show also stars Eddie Kaye Thomas from the American Pie series and Off-Centre ,which I loved == (the tv show, not the movies. Brad Garrett did a few minutes of stand-up, and he was pretty funny. At one point he said, "I see Paula Abdul's here. It's nice to see they have a shuttle bus system at Bellvue." It was so mean, but really funny. Dude, even the ad execs laughed.




2. Standoff with Office Space's Ron Livingston and Serenity's Gina Torres as hostage negotiators. Dude, who cares if it's based on a great premise and looks to be really well-written? They had me at the cast.



Here's what I'm not looking forward to:

The Winner, a super high-concept television show with Rob Corddry as a o.c.d. loser that lives at home with his parents in 1994, but has somehow become a huge success now. This is the story of how he gets there. This series is executive produced by Seth McFarlane of Family Guy fame. However, I'm not a huge Rob Corddry fan, and I'm still not after seeing this promo. His schtick still bugs me and I didn't laugh once. But maybe it will better as an actually TV Show. We'll see...

Two weeks after New York, we went to San Francisco for Memorial Day. It was cold, but lots of fun. I discovered that I still had enough of my college Chinese left to order meals, ask for chopsticks, and inquire whether or not a store carried baijiu -- a paint-peeling clear liquor that the Chinese drink.

Also, I was able to visit with Ben Jordan, a fellow playwright and programmate from my CMU days. He's a wine buyer now, and suggested a list of places for us to go during our day trip to Napa Valley. For those of you who like tasting rooms that don't look like every other tasting room on the planet. Here are his suggestions (I'm quoting from his email):

Let's see, Napa. Most of the places [have] huge, gaudy tasting rooms and they charge $10 or more for a tasting. Be prepared. I recommend sharing at the more expensive places. Here are some good places that can be fun: Robert Sinskey, Duckhorn (you sit down at a table for this tasting), Grgich, V. Sattui (the wines aren't great, but they have a picnic area that every goes to and gets drunk at), Corison (You must call to make an appointment for this place. Do it, it is worth it. Best wine you'll taste all day.) I always liked Heitz Cellars as well. They are pretty old school and some of their tasting is free, I think. If you want to see a big operation make an appointment at Cakebread.

We went to most of the places on this list, and we LOVED Corison. The atmosphere is incredibly intimate and the wine is quietly superior.

APRIL is for Winners

Not only did I get back down to my fighting weight, but my team, the Tough Cookies actually skated a flat-track bout against the Tru$t Fund Terrors. And we won!

Now, I've never been a sore loser, but I must admit, winning is fun.

Other than that, April was also pretty boring. Mostly I anticipated my May New York trip, and worked with my friends, Steve Connell and Kalimba Bennett on the first two scripts of an online series we're developing about a group of insane artists living in L.A. -- or "regular people" as we like to call them in L.A. It's called Who You Know.

MARCH is for Aloha

Well . . .

I moved in with CH. Stop gasping, I know many of you thought I already lived with him. I guess I should really just say, I gave up the lease on my North Hollywood studio...okay, now I hear a lot of you gasping, b/c many of you had no idea I had my own apartment. Whatever, the point is I'm now boring and really, really domesticated.

I became a serious practitioner of the Cooking Light magazine. The recipes are exceedingly tasty and healthy! I don't know how they do it, but this is the first magazine subscription I've signed up for in over two years.

I finally started seriously writing Year of the Rapper/Year of the Fairytale, the full-length play I've had listed under the "Currently Writing" section of my resume for the last two years. I actually made it all the way to the end of Act 1 --

Okay, I know what you're thinking: This month may actually turn out to be more boring than February, and to be quite frank, I was beginning to think that, too, but then two things happened:

WE GOT ROBBED!

By now I've told this story about one hundred times, plus it's hard to do a really good re-enactment over a blog, so I'm just going to say this. A thief broke into the house and stole a bunch of stuff, including my cheap Forever 21 jewelry and my laptop.

Of course, I was most upset about the laptop -- mainly because it's the only high-ticket item other than my car that I've ever bought with my own money. And I don't own my car yet (four more years), but I did own my laptop, and the latest non-backed-up version of Year of the Rapper that resided there. I think stealing a laptop is a pretty heinous crime, but stealing a writer's laptop is just mean. But it the end it wasn't so bad. We got a security system, and CH found my exact same laptop on Ebay for $400. Two months later, I sometimes forget that it's not the original deal. Though I never did get the steam back on Years. Alas...

However, this home invasion was kind of made up for by

HAWAII!

CH had a hiatus week, and I had a bunch of vacation days, so we went to Oahu. Here's how I know Hawaii is absolutely one of the best places on the face of the earth: because it rained the entire time, and I still had an amazing time and didn't want to go home.

Here are the highlights, just in case you're ever looking for things to do in Oahu on a rainy day:

Don Ho: No, I didn't know he was still alive either. But dude, he is and croaking out nightly dinner shows in Oahu. I can't explain to you how terrible this show is. The food was bad. The drinks where watered down. The show itself was completely cheesy -- so you know I loved every minute of it. Especially the "Tiny Bubbles" sing-a-long at the end.

The Imperial Palace: It's more like a the Imperial House, but the former Hawaiian royal family was really fascinating. And starting in the fall, you won't be able to go into the actual rooms any more. So if you happen to be in Oahu this summer, do take the docent-guided tour.

Mai Tai Public Service Announcement: It turns out that you don't have to sit on a beach to enjoy this drink. It's good in the rain, too. Now you know, and hopefully you won't ever let a little bad weather keep you from enjoying this ridiculously delicious drink ever again.

Onos: This is a serious hole-in-wall with authentic Hawaiian food that the locals actually eat. Delicious and filling. No wonder some of the best sumo wrestlers in the world come from Hawaii.

Cirque Hawaii: In Hawaii, you'll find a lot of people with pretty much the same backstory, "I was doing this [job] in [mainland state or some other non-paradisical place] and decided that I should do that [job] in Hawaii. Makes sense right? This is why there about a kajillion writers, living in Hawaii, and this is basically the story behind Cirque Hawaii. Two former Cirque dancers decided to do what they were doing in Hawaii. Now I had never seen a Cirque show. If I had, I think I would have appreciated this really bad imitation even more. It makes you realize what a truly amazing experience Cirque shows are, because even a really bad imitation was really enjoyable.

And if that weren't enought, the Middle-Aged White People got drunk again, and this time they did it every night. If you're dying to know what the ukulele version of "Play that Funky Music, White Boy" sounds like, dude, go to Hawaii.

FEBRUARY is for Resolutions

Looking back on February, I realized I was still keeping up with all my resolutions, and that made me really, really boring. Anyway:

Fitness of Champions:

I exercised every day for twenty-one days, by either actually showing up at Derby Doll practice or working out for 45 minutes with Fit Tv's All Star Workout series. I lost about seven pounds in the first two weeks, but then I tapered out at about ten pounds above my goal weight, so . . . see what I mean about being boring.

Anyway, the whole story ends with the exercise habit sticking and me and CH joining a gym over Valentine's Day weekend and really committing to getting back in shape. We even began playing racquetball. And though I ended up chipping my 4-month-old glasses when I ran into a wall trying to chase after a ball (you probably thought that only happened in movies), it made me feel particularly sporting.

Penned an Office script:

While on self-improvement kick, I also penned an Office spec script. It turns out that my job is not only good for paying various bills and okay medical and dental insurance -- it can also be material.

So that was my February. All I did was exercise and write. See how boring I become when I get disciplined?

JANUARY is for Travelers

SOLVANG:

For New Years, CH and I went to Solvang, up-and-coming wine country and the setting of Sideways, the only entry on the International Merlot Makers Association's* "Worst Movies of All Time" list. While we there, we discovered a few things:

1. Your palatte actually becomes more discriminating with the more wine you taste. Which was a shock to me after the debacle that was my wine-tasting themed apartment-warming party in grad school. Yes, I did pass out, and yes, my fellow writers did end up cleaning up . . . and letting out the rest of the guests . . . and locking up . . . and putting a glass of water beside my bed . . . and taking my abjectedly embarrassed and apologetic phone calls the next morning. But listen, I've learned to sip since then.

And in Solvang I learned to spit, as in "Pwah, the currant flavoring in this wine is totally working against the oaky undertones. I shall pour the rest of this travesty into the spit bucket." You see, apparently you don't actually spit in the spit buckets, just pour the wine you don't want into them. Yeah, I was disappointed, too. I was all ready to make up for years of not chewing tobacco.

2. The best pancakes in the world are at Paula's Pancake House. Almost six months later, I'm still thinking about those thin Danish manifestations of God, kind of like Barbara Streisand thought of the impossibly handsome (back then) Robert Redford in the Way We Were. And when CH suggested going to San Francisco and Napa Valley as opposed to back to Solvang for Memorial Day 2006, my first thought was, "But how about the pancakes?" Sigh. Memories...

3. Alcohol really does make the white people dance. We ended up at a bar/lounge/fine restaurant called the Meadowlands, counting down to New Years with a bunch of middle-aged white folks hopped up on really good wine and food. And get this, the cover band was also made up of middle-aged white people, who for some reason, insisted on only singing R&B hits. I am not kidding. They even did Tony Toni Tone's "No Loot" ya'll. Needless to say, I had a FANTASTIC time, but CH still won't talk about it. Poor guy, apparently black people aren't the only ones who get embarrassed when people from our race do things that we'd rather not have people from other races seeing us do.

RESOLUTIONS:

I made a ton of resolutions, the most important of which was to

1. Lose the twenty pounds I had gained over the last six months. It didn't help that when I went home to St. Louis for a visit, they all commented that I had gained weight. "You ain't missing no meals out there, is you?" said my Uncle Cornelius after hugging me for the first time in three years. Yeah, more on dear Uncle Cornelius below.
2. Write more. I won't even expand on this, since it's a boring resolution that's on every writer's list every year of their lives until they die.
3. Get up at five am, and do stuff with the two hours before I go to work. I was actually able to keep this up for the 21 days it takes to make a habit. I even extended it into my 21 Days of Exercise in February, but then -- oh wait that's coming up in the February blog.

WENT HOME TO ST. LOUIS:

It was lovely. And the eating was spectacular. Though, I could have done without Uncle Cornelius's many word-for-word re-enactments of embarrassing things I said when I was in elementary school:

UC: Remember when you was seven and you said to me, [in a voice that sounds exactly like what is is: an old black man from Mississippi doing a fairly unconvincing falsetto] "Uncle Cornelius I am the smartest kid in my class!" And I said, "Really, you the smartest--" and you was like, "Yes, I am the smartest kid in my class. Nobody else is as smart as me. They are dumb." And I go, "You already know where you going to go to college, don't you?" And you said, "Yes, I am going to go to Haaaarvard." You used to say that to me all the time. "I'm going to go to Haaarvard."

Me [severely doubting that I would roll my Harvards in such a gravelly way]: Thanks for remembering that, Uncle Neil.

UC: Oh yeah, I remember. You used to say things like that all the time.

Despite the constant reminders that I was a weirdly arrogant, super-ambitious little monster of a child before I became a completely neurotic, super-ambitious monster of an adult, I had a wonderful time.

I had to endure the non-too-subtle hints that I should wear make-up, which usually entailed one of my aunts telling me to "try on" various lipsticks. But I also got to brush up on my trash talking skills, during the monthly Friday Family Game Night during especially heated games of Mexican Train Dominoes -- Think regular dominoes on family-destroying steroids with little monoply-piece-like trains.

I also got to eat St. Louis Chinese food, which in my opinion is the best Chinese food on earth -- and honey, I've been to China. Later, while my sister and I visited our high school English teacher, mentor, and dear, dear friend Mrs. Rowan, her history professor husband told us that the St. Louis version of Chinese food was actually a regional delicacy, because it's a hybrid of Chinese and soul food. No wonder I love it so much!

The highlight of the trip was finally getting a chance to wear the "I'm the Nice One. My Sister is the Brat." T-shirt I had purchased in a youth large (apparently they're pretty big these days, b/c I had room to spare) while in Solvang. My sister glared, my cousins laughed, and my aunts all made the same comment though they saw the T-shirt seperately, "Well, obviously the opposite is true, cuz you wearing that T-shirt." Man, they always take her side. Lizzy! Lizzy! Lizzy!

Oh my God, I'm Actually Back

Dudes, I'm surprised, too. But I've gotten soooo much writing done in the months that I've left my blog unattended, that I almost feel guilty about updating it now.

Not guilty enough not to do it, but you know what I mean. Anyway, I've decided to keep this blog in real time from now on, so the next few entries are a recap of what you've missed since December.