Betty Disable

Today I went back to practice after a three-month absence and 10+ pound weight gain.

This morning, I had been thinking about doing a blog about how gaining the pounds felt terrible on my conscious but looked great on my chest.

But now I hurt. Like everywhere.

I’ve always been more of a sprinter than an endurance runner – Seriously, the last time I ran a non-treadmill mile, I was in the 6th grade. And even at the height of my roller derby fitness, jamming during practice rendered me all wheezy if I had to do it more than once.

During my absence, which was at first due to business, and then due to laziness, I was somehow managing to convince myself that I was letting the lessons of roller derby really sink into my bones.

I found out today that this wasn’t the case. I could only hang with the pace line for five-minute stints. Not only could I not do the sideways stop our coach was trying to teach us for most of practice, I realized that I would have to re-teach myself power slides and transistions (turning from front to back while skating really fast).

By the end of practice, I was really snotty -- I mean literally snotty. The most disgusting and undocumented biological fact about roller derby is that often when you skate outdoors and above your fitness level, your sinuses just open up, and by the time you're finished with warm up, green stuff is rolling profusely out your nose. Also I was sweaty and cold and really ashamed of myself.

I’m hoping to get back to Kid Vicious status in the next few months. But for now just call me Betty Disable.