Jeans of Champions

Today, I emailed the head of our department and asked if we could wear jeans to work with our Christmas sweaters for the Holiday Potluck, and he said yes. And now everyone is acting like I’m a huge hero for asking. I mean people have literally been coming up to my desk and thanking me all day.

This is a problem, for two reasons:

Much like some inmates prefer to keep their heads down and not to socialize with the general prison population while they serve out their sentences, I don't really like to talk to the other people at work. Also

I’m listening to Breakfast of Champions right now, and I’ve discovered that there’s nothing worse than being interrupted during a Kurt Vonnegut story. Checkit:

Stanley Tucci: (the actor lending his voice to this audiobook): Leon walked into the bar and picked up [recurring character’s] book. He had taken a speed-reading course some years before, so he was able to read very quickly. *

Co-Worker: Hey, Ernessa.

I take off my earphones.

Me: Yes?

Co-Worker: Is it true we can wear jeans to tomorrow’s potluck?

Me: Yes, that’s what Dave said.

Co-Worker: Wow, really?

Me: Yes, really.

Co-Worker: So what happened? You asked, and he just said yes?

Me: Yeah.

Now I'm holding one earphone near my ear, trying to signal that I'd like to go back to my Ipod now.

Co-Worker: Wow. That’s great. Well, I’m definitely going to wear jeans tomorrow.

Me: Yeah, me, too.

Co-Worker: Thanks!

Me: No problem.

I put one earphone back in and start to turn back to my computer.

Co-Worker: Seriously, thanks!

Me: Seriously, it was no problem.

I put the other earphone back in.

Stanley Tucci: Leon began to beat his mistress, believing that she had only slept with him, so that he would buy her a KFC. *

Me: What the fuck???


Now imagine this scenario happening all dang day, and you’ll know why I went home in a seriously bad mood during the “happiest time of the year.”

Plus, I’m still sore from Monday’s practice.

Poor Betty Disable.

*Of course this prose is only an approximation of Mr. Vonnegut's brilliant text.