When Licking Gets Decidely Unsexy

An excerpt from my only-in-my-head autobiographical play, Scenes from the Non-Cliche Culture Clashes of an Interracial Couple.

AT RISE: CH and etc watch CNN's special "Black in America" - which etc privately feels should be called "The Most Negative and Poor Aspects of Being Black In America"

HAVARD PROFESSOR TALKING HEAD: Well, I found a picture of a white slave trader licking the arm of a slave, and at first I was confused, but then I realized that the slave trader was probably checking the future slave for salt content. Basically, if the slave was salty, that meant he had high salt content, which meant that he could probably withstand a boat ride across the Atlantic Ocean. But unfortunately, that might be the same factor that makes Black Americans more susceptible to hypertension.

etc frowns and licks her skin.

etc: My skin IS salty. Wow.

CH: What?

etc: Lick my skin.

CH licks the back of her wrist.

CH: It doesn't seem that salty.

etc: Yes it is, it's so salty. Let me lick your wrist.

etc licks the back of his wrist.

etc: You're not salty at all.

CH licks his own wrist, then etc's.

CH: You ARE salty. Wow... that's why you need to eat your vegetables, honey.

CH actually looks worried. etc purses her lips and brings out her computer to blog about it, doubting that even the threat of hypertension could get her to eat broccoli or (ugh!) brussel sprouts.