This Blog Not Brought to you by TMI

Dearest, I am having one of those difficult, difficult days when nothing goes the way it's supposed, and you you already know by noon that, though you don't want it to, this difficult day will spill until tomorrow and maybe into Wednesday if I don't play my cards right.

Though, there is one HUGE bright spot, which I'll tell you about tomorrow. 

Tonight, I have to finish up a writing project. And I know I promised 3-a-days, but I don't think that's going to happen until next Monday. 

That all confessed, here's your moment of grin:

Gas-X

I love these series that The Grey Lady has been doing lately, when they present a topic and get a bunch of different people to write and easily-digestable, 200 word or less item on it. It never fails to get me thinking and fire up my imagination.

This week's round-up is on the impact of high gas prices on daily living. Definitely worth reading in full for yourself. But here are the items that I found especially interesting:

1.) The wage gap. Apparently riches are only spending around 2% or less of their income on gas, while the poors are spending around 16%. And, oh did we meniton, that a lot of cities are cutting back on public transportation this year? In the interest of avoiding class warfare, definitely a problem that I think we might want to address. (Fuel for Inequality)

2.) The Green Bubble. The latest investor fill up, but even if this one bursts, it'll most likely leave all sorts of good stuff behind. (What the Green Bubble Will Leave Behind)

3.) The New White Flight. Apparently, people might start abandoning their houses in faraway suburbs for smaller houses or apartments in the city, due to high gas prices. What will become of those abandoned neighborhoods? And, as someone who lives in a walking neighborhood, I'm beginning to worry about urban pile-up. That is, more people in the city. More cars on our narrow streets. People living on top of each other. Ugly, high-rises going up to accommadate more apartment dwellers. Problems to follow. (Ghosts of the Cul De Sac)

4.) The death of road trips. I feel sad when I think about this, but Michael Paterniti makes a pretty convincing argument for why this might be a good thing. (Goodbye to the Great American Road Trip)

5.) Tax credits for not driving. Yes! So agreed that this should happen -- especially now that I'm riding an electric bike. (Tax Brakes)

6.) Driving green. Some simple tips on how to use less gas while tooling around town. (Be the Prius)

7.) Lightening up. I had just about decided to get a Saturn Vue Hybrid vs. a ThinkCity for reasons I'll get into in a future post. But apparently, I might want to wait a little while longer, because Detroit while start using some futuristic materials to make cars lighter and therefore, greener. (The Light Stuff)

8.) Helmet hair. Dreadlocks are immune to helmet hair, but just about every other hairstyle is not. This is a funny reminder, why many women might not switch to a bike-riding lifestyle, no matter how high gas prices get. (Hair-Raiser)

And the bike I rode in on

As many of you have already been told, I purchased an electric hybrid bicycle* a three weeks ago. The plan was to immediately get it tricked out and start riding it to work as soon as I got it.

But UPS, my Uncle Cornelious' visit, and general business kept me from being able to get it all geared up until today. CH and I got up early this morning, took it to Budget Pro Bicycles, a super-duper awesome bike shop in Eagle Rock, and got it geared up with a comfortable seat, black basket, extra bike light, lock, hot pink Free Agent helmet, and of course an extra hotrod-licious Electra bike bell -- even though I'm probably too polite to ever use it.


The first trip to work immediately began to test my resolve not to give up on things so easily this year. Here's what happened within the first 15 minutes of my ride:

1. I spent ten minutes, trying to get it turned around, so that I could get it out of house. I never appreciated the ability to lift a bike until I got a battery pack that makes my new bike to heavy to lift by myself.

2. I dropped the bike, trying to get it through our gate. And everything in my basket flew out and landed in one of our garden's dirt patches.

3. I had to call CH in order to figure out how to actually turn on the power assist.

4. I got all lost and turned around, even though I drove the route first in order to figure out the safest and most simple way to work.

5. I stupidly left my purse open after consulting with CH, then had the nerve to be surprised when I hit a bump and my phone flew out of my basket and hit the asphalt.

But I did make it into work in one piece, and it was a lovely ride. Very cool to past through gritty Koreatown, DreamHouseville (aka Hancock Park), and the idyllic Mid-Wilshire area all in one go. Will post further thoughts, after a few more rides, but for now here are my initial impressions:

1. Love the color - reminds me of my time with the Derby Dolls.
2. Having a motor is absolutely necessary (for me) in hilly neighboorhoods.
3. I pedalled 10 miles, but with pedal assist I didn't get sweaty at all, which is awesome.
4. Getting through doors is the huge drawback of this bike. The battery makes it hard to negotiate into elevators and what not. And since I'm keeping it in my office, that's going to be an ongoing hassle.
5. I might need to get a Garmin for my bike.
6. I forgotten how bad I look in helmets. I mean just terrible. Still, I think I'll get some stickers for it.

More later.




*If you get an electric bicycle online, DO NOT purchase it from Toys R Us. They sent us the bike without a seat or a battery, then compounded the mistake with the absolute worst customer service, refusing to fix the problem, and saying it wasn't their responsibility. Luckily, the E-Zip manufacturer is in Cali, and they hooked us up with the battery that (we were supposed to get in the first place) no problem. Even if I have kids, I will never, ever shop at this store again. Full of hate.

Random Sorta Problems

I've taken to writing a lot of (maybe) bad poetry, lately. I don't know why, especially considering that I despise bad poetry. Also, I can't quite figure out if it's bad poetry or bad lyrics.

I once read an article or saw a special -- I can't remember which -- but it seemed to insinuate between the lines that Anthony Kiedis from The Red Hot Chili Peppers was a bad poet and a bad singer and that those two factors combined equalled brilliance. And a trip program mate named Lea from China, who rather spookily hasn't been heard from by any of the other China program people in about 10 years, said the same thing about Jim Morrisson. So maybe by this time next year, I'll be a rock star.

But probably not.

Anyway, I had another of the past/present dreams on Thursday night. This time it was all the black women I knew at Smith. But we were all adults and we were taking a dance lesson at a political rally for Barack Obama. And most of my white conservative friends from now were there, too, and we were all having a good time. And the last thing I remember doing before I woke up, was hugging (now professor) Katrina G. and saying how good it was to see her again. Bizarre, right?

I wouldn't mind this dream series, except that I have no idea why I keep on having the same kind of dream or why it's ramped up to weekly. And quite frankly, I'm weirded out by the dream's benign nature. I think as a rule, that writers tend to have more nightmares due to being generally neurotic -- nightmares I can deal with. But I have no idea what this series means.

On a totally unrelated note, as epic as the new Coldplay album is, and as much as I can tell they worked extra-hard on all the lyricism, I think my favorite line is, "I'm just waiting for the shine to wear off." It's simple and it can be applied to just about every situation. And perversely, I think I prefer most things after the shine has worn off. I guess you could say that I've got a retro soul.

There's Only One Me in the Galaxy...

The video for Little Jackie's* ba-fuckin-rilliant song, "The Whole World Should Revolve Around Me" is finally here. And really, it should be subtitled: "How Cool Is My Blowout Afro, and Bitch, Did I Mention I Can Do a Handstand In a Miniskirt? What-What???"

Plus there's a Rosie Perez cameo. Is she not, like, aging, or is it just me?

Anyway, check it out below:



*UPDATE: Oops! This just in, Little Jackie is actually a duo, not just one woman with a bodacious Afro. My (completely understandable I think) bad.

I probably won't be watching the new Real Housewives ATL edition* either

I'm just not down with reality like that. But it is kind of cool that the cast is going to be mostly black. Equal opportunity to see the rich being ridiculous and all that.

And though I have nothing to wear them too, I do want every dress in this picture for my own -- every dress except for the pink one. The pink one's just wrong. But the yellow one is especially fierce, and belongs in my closet.

* The rest of you can watch the The Real Housewives of ATL on Bravo, starting July 30th.

Ah nuts...

I just found out while reading TV Guide for work (yes, I really have to read TV Guide for work) that The 4400 got cancelled back in December, due to Writers' Strike and ratings issues.

Yes, I know 4400 was a rip-off of the X-Men premise, whose recycled premise was then ripped off itself to much better affect by Heroes (at least for season one). And I also know that 4400 just kept getting lamer and lamer by the season -- but so does The L Word, and I'm still watching that.

I'm going to miss this little program. Plus, I just hate it when shows end things on a cliff-hanger.

:(

Some Tap Water for the Drought

If you have nothing else to watch (and I know you don't since it's summer), then this new ABC Family series, The Middleman*, is totally okay. Apparently, it's based on a comic book, by fellow CMU alum, Javier Grillo-Marxuach. And if you're like me (or are me), you'll dig that it's about a dry-humored ethnic chyck who likes comic books and ends up in the sidekick business. Think the animated series Daria meets Men In Black.

And if the show manages to solve it pacing, jokes-that-just-don't-work, and a-few-well-drawn-but-completely-miscast-side-character issues; then it just might be worth watching outside of the summer drought.

Anyroad, click on the pic, to watch the first few episodes for free:

*P.S. -- Thanks to Sebrina for hepping me to this show all the way from China. I think you're right about it having "great potential."

UPDATE: You can find an even more in-depth breakdown at Chris's Invincible Super Blog. Preview: He REALLY likes it.

Random Thoughts

If I had a time machine that only went backwards, I would go back in time in order to meet the following people as kids and/or young adults:

1. My mother
2. My husband
3. My best friend Monique
4. Alice Walker


But, in respective order, I wouldn't tell them that they would

1. Die early
2. Marry Me
3. Become my best friend
4. Write the book that would most influence my life

Who would you meet as a kid and/or young adult if you had the chance?

Nooooo!!!!!!

The much anticipated (by me most of all) BlackBerry Bold has been delayed until mid-August, probably due to battery problems.

Now I know that there are starving children in Eritrea and everything, but I've been using the same ancient work-issued BlackBerry for almost 2 years now. TWO years!!! It's just not fair. Oh when, oh when will I get my in the sun? When will I get to possess a smartphone with a lovely, well black-lit display window and super-thin casing?

And don't suggest the I-Phone. Outlook is my oxygen -- plus, I don't have the patience for touch-screen.

Double :(

Correction

So apparently my Uncle Cornelious isn't in his 70's.

I found this out the hard (read: embarrassing) way at dinner at this new restaurant (read: tourist trap) called uWink at Hollywood & Highland.

The gag of uWink is that you order all of your drinks and overly rich food on a touch screen, which you can then use to play games with the other members of your party until said ordered food and drinks come.

Anyway, the concept which is still in the beta phase is really great, especially for tourist families, which are probably way over actually speaking to each other anyways. But the execution leaves something to be desired, in that the games all seemed to be so hard to use, figure out, and/or boring that you end up talking with your family anyway.

Which is how I ended up saying, "You're not the same age as Meatloaf, Uncle Neil."

Don't ask how we got into this conversation, just know that my favorite uncle is now questioning my math skills. "You thought your mama and me were over nine years apart?"

Well, considering that my mom was the oldest sister, and my uncle was the oldest brother of of nine, when he put it that way, it did seem it little crazy that I had just always assumed that he was the same older than my father, who's turning 70 in October.

"I should probably go back on my blog and say you're not 70," I said after a long, embarrassed moment of hasty (as I could) math .

"Yeah, you better do that," said Uncle Cornelious. Then he shook his head, seemingly stunned, bemused, and a little hurt at the same time. "I can't believe you thought I was in my 70s. I'm only 63."

So correction, everybody, Uncle Cornelious is only 63.

Though, my exhausted husband, who's been helping Uncle Neil drywall our downstairs all weekend was relieved. "At least I can stop feeling bad that I couldn't keep up with a guy in his 70s."

Yeah, I too, thought to say that not being able to keep up with a 63-year-old wasn't much better. But, I had already gotten myself into enough trouble.

And to be fair, Uncle Neil does seem to possess an inordinate amount of energy for a man of his years.

Anyway, the point is, don't eat at uWink. It might not be good for the family relations.

Gibson

I've been trying to figure out how to say this since last Thursday:

Gibson is gone. I won't go into how on this blog. We're very sad. He was a lovely, lovely cat. And we miss him very much.

That's all.

Walker, Texas Ranger

Somehow, I haven't had the heart to point out to my Uncle Cornelious in my usual disdainful way that Chuck Norris was an avid supporter of the horrible, horrible Mike Huckabee's bid to be the Republican nominee. Or that there are like no black people in old Westerns. Or that it's Facebook -- not HotFace -- but FaceBook.

On the other hand, I adore Woody "I slept with and married my kind of adopted daughter" Allen. I watch and re-watch old Molly Ringwald films -- not a lot black people in those either. And after 6 years, I still refer to Wi-Fi as "magic" and our Airport Express as the "magic plug."

Anyway, this is all to say that I hope I'm a very happy, laidback, and generally awesome person like my Uncle Cornelious when I'm in my 70s*. And I wonder if this is something that just happens like winning the lotto, or something you have to decide on and work at when you're younger, the way we're encouraged to exercise and save towards retirement. Thoughts welcome.

And on a totally unrelated note, we're thinking of getting a basset hound. Apparently, there's a Basset Hound Rescue League out here, and CH and I think it may be time, due to reasons that I'm going to try to discuss on Monday, but if I don't manage to, ask me about it the next time you see me.

Until then, here's your moment of gen:

*My Uncle Cornelious really, really wants you to read my Correction blog. In fact he insists.

Open Your Eyes...

My Uncle Cornelious is in town. For reference, he was the tall charming-genarian at our wedding, grandfather to the wonder twins, and a major featuree in my first "Visting St. Louis" blog back in 2005. 

So I'm trying to figure out if this next dream is one in an angst-related series, or just a response to all the nostalgia that comes along with having your favorite uncle in town:

I am the same age I am now, but somehow back in college. I get invited to a birthday party for Vince P, an awesome guy from my study abroad in China program. I go, but get there too early. Lindsey Lohan and some other people I don't know are setting up bowls of chips and candy on top of tables covered in green tablecloths. Everyone from the China program starts arriving, and they look exactly as they did in China. I'm really happy to see them. But then Kenisha R, Yolanda B, and a bunch of other people from high school start rolling in, and I'm like, "How do you know Vince?"

I never quite get an answer to this question, but then the next thing I know, we're walking down to the beach, because Vince wants to watch the sunset. The thing is, all the party people have been replaced by my California friends. I'm walking arm and arm with my fellow Filly, Kalimba, and we passed a beached whale, and then a series of fantastically colored animals with horns -- which to my limited zoological knowledge, don't actually exist. K and I were impressed and kept on pointing the out to each other.

We eventually make it to a gorgeous white party tent, which has a long glass dinner table set up inside. Vince is there, but everybody else in attendance are people I know from California. We all turn to look up the sky, and watch the sun set. 

It's beyond beautiful. Full of striking colors, and replaced by a bright, silvery moon and then movie credits actually start rolling behind it. I turn back around to my friends, but I can't see them, because my eyes are closed. I tell them, "I think I've stared at the sun too long. I think I'm blind. I can't open my eyes." I feel them tapping me on the eyes, trying to help me open them. 

Then I woke up and opened my eyes.

So, I have a long history of recurring dreams, but haven't had a new set in over 3 years. But this is the third perfectly-pleasant party dream that I've had with people from two times in my life mixing, so I must assume that it's a new series. 

I recently read an article about how some scientists now think that nightmares are our way of processing our fears. So I wonder if these kinds of dreams are my way of processing my life, of looking back at it, now that I feel settled and happy. 

Anywho, more about Uncle Cornelious' visit in the days to come. 

Moment Of...

Taking a personal day, but will be back with you on Saturday. And on Monday, we're ramping up to two-a-days. Ooh fun for everybody (I hope).

Til then, here's your moment of Hen:

I Would Go See THE LOVE GURU This Weekend...

...but why watch Mike Myers officially go the lame way of the Dana Carvey Wooly Mammoth, when I could tool around town on my new electric bicycle or eat a bunch of old paste. Either activity, I'm sure, would be way more funny.

Still, under the new Summer Spending Challenge rules (which I'll blog about later) , CH and I can only see one movie a week. We're still trying to decide what this week's movie should be.

We've already seen...

1) Iron Man - beyond awesome. If you haven't seen it and loved it, then you're probably my agoraphobic grandma, in which case, you're excused, though my pardon doesn't really matter, since you don't have a computer, and if you did, you probably wouldn't read your strange granddaughter's blog. Anyway, this is all to say, everybody's seen it -- except Grandma Annie.

2) Chronicles of Narnia - at the El Capitan, and strangely enough, we became members of the extremely nearby Hollywood United Methodist Church less than a month after seeing it. Were we subliminally brainwashed? We may never know...

3) Indiana Jones - I have no zinger that would appropriately convey the ridiculous hot mess that was the last 30 minutes of this movie. Though, I did like the fire ants. Nice touch.

4) You Don't Mess W/ The Zohan - still trying to decide if this was kinda funny or just really offensive to Israelis, American Jews, Palestinians (as portrayed by John Turturro, Rob Schneider and Emanuelle Chriqui), senior citizens, hacky sackers, hairdressers, gays, black people with dreadlocks, and white C.E.O.'s. I'll let you know when I make my official decision.

Anyway, feel free to send me suggestions for what we should see next.

These Sunglasses Might Not Be Good for your Marriage

As many of you know, CH is beyond laidback, and it's just not in his nature to ever instruct me on what to wear, say, or do, unless compelled by questions like, "Tell me the truth, does this make my knees look droopy?" -- that's not a joke question, I actually asked him that two weeks ago.

However, as soon as I reached for a pair of yellow sunglasses just like these in a Pasadena store a few weeks ago, he started repeating, "No honey, no honey, no honey" over and over again, all the way through me picking them up, trying them on, and eventually putting them back without even seeing how I looked in the mirror. It was pretty intense.

PSA: If you're thinking of following the Kanye West "Stronger" video trend. Check with your mate first. S/he may have some strong feelings on the subject.

Today's Irrefutable Truth

It's been pretty much a non-stop news cycle about the fact that Gay Marriage is now officially legal in CA. And I wanted to post something deep and substantial that echoed with the historic nature of this moment.

But to tell you irrefutable truth, my absolute favorite quote of the day about this came from my friend Kyle, who wrote in an email:

"Yay gay marriage! Eat it, haters!"

Funnily enough, after all these years, that seems to sum up my feelings on the matter perfectly.

Next stop Federal.

Aunt Mildred

2 things about my Aunt Mildred:

If you were at CH's and my wedding, you might remember her as the sassy-genarian who insisted that everybody, including the bride, dance a full 30 minutes before the dancing part of the reception was scheduled to begin. This was because my friend/wedding DJ, Clark, innocently put on "Disco Inferno" after the cake cutting. And because of this, CH and I missed our one opportunity to eat a piece of my wedding cake. I forgave Clark though, because

1.) He deejayed our wedding for free. Hard to complain under those circumstances. Though of course I did a little bit, because I've never met a small act of audacity that I didn't like.

But the other reason I forgave is because...

2.) Clark is white, so he did not know that playing "Disco Inferno" at even a half-black wedding is the equivalent of dropping a dancing H-bomb, in that old black people are powerless to resist its siren call. It's a law of nature, really. But now he knows. Now he knows.

Anywho, Aunt Mildred sent me two pictures of myself on Sunday, one of which was this one of me at age 5. And I wouldn't mention it, except that I haven't seen it in over 11 years and looking at it set off a flood of memories. Here are a few to share:

Me at 5. My pediatrician told me that I was going to be at least 5'7 based on my hand size. I'm only 5'3, I just have weirdly big hands.

This was right before my mother started letting me dress myself -- she got tired of me throwing extreme fits every time she picked something out for me, so she gave me jurisdiction over my clothing choices, which meant I was pretty much a fashion victim from 6 until I finally figured out the art of dressing myself in college. I love that she let me do that, but revisiting this picture, it's a little ironic, because I actually quite like this outfit now and I would totally wear it as an adult.

Also, I should note that the side ponytail is courtesy of a pressing comb, so I got my ears burned to make this picture possible.

Tomorrow: The newborn picture. Hint: There's a mystery afoot.

Stuff I recently downloaded

I love being introduced to music, and now that I work in Top 40, I've been much more diligent about taking chances and listening to music from bands I don't necessarily know.

Also, I read an article once, that most people stop seeking out new music around their mid-twenties, and then just listen to the same stuff from the first 25 years until they die -- which makes me sad. So in the spirit of holding on to our "big ears" as long as poss, here's a bunch of stuff I recently downloaded -- not all of it is new (to anybody except me). Also, please let me know what (new to you) music you're listening to right now.

1. The Wombats -- "Let's Dance to Joy Division" -- It was the free single of the week on I-Tunes and it has Joy Division in the title, so obviouslyI had to download it. Plus, it's really fun. Definitely recommended.

2. Lights - "The Last Thing on My Mind" -- I've become one of those people who downloads all the songs that I like from commercials. This is from the Old Navy commercial with the girl who's waiting for a call from a guy. He doesn't call, so she goes out dancing with her girls, and ends up hooking up with the bartender. Ah amore!

3. Gavin Rossdale - "Can't Stop the World" -- In an effort to encourage less douche baggery in the music biz, I've made it my personal policy to buy at least one song from all the really nice artists that we interview on the show, and Gavin Rossdale was really nice. Plus this song is a little Peter Gabrielian, very listenable. Especially if you're in a 90's era coffeehouse.

4. Aimee Mann - "Freeway" - Speaking of 90's era coffeehouse. Sadly, this is the only song I liked off her latest album.

5. The Watson Twins -- "How Am I to Be" -- I can't really explain exactly why I love this song. But I do. If you like the Pretenders, you'll probably love the Twins. I think. Like I said, I can't really explain exactly why I like this song.

6. Whitney Duncan -- "When I Said I Would" -- When I get sick of everything I'm currently listening to, I reset by listening to a bunch of country, so I'm always on the lookout for good country -- one day I'll do a blog about "Good Country Music for People Who Don't Necessarily Like Country." This is passable. Plus, it's the I-Tunes Free Single of the Week, so you can't beat the price. Until tomorrow when it goes back to being $0.99.

7. The Puppini Sisters -- "Wuthering Heights" -- Strangely, I've noticed that covers of Kate Bush songs are the exception to the general covers rule, in that they're often quite good. And this one is no exception to the new exception. That is to say, it's really quite good.

8. Smithies skip to the #9. Don't read. Lil Wayne - Tha Carter III - His flow is just so sick. It's impossible for me to resist. And you know, how often do you get an album that actually lives up to the hype AND doesn't sound like every other album out there? I stand (sheepishly) by this purchase.

9. Little Jackie -- "The World Should Revolve Around Me" - This artist puts some serious fresh to def into R&B. She is so frickin' dope that I'm actually mad at my boss's boyfriend for not introducing me to her before last Friday. And if you haven't heard this single yet, you will be mad at me for waiting a whole weekend to tell you about it. Download this ish yesterday.

10. Tilly and the Wall -- "Beat Control" -- This doesn't even need an introduction. If you click play, it will become immediately apparent why I downloaded this song before I had even finished watching the video.

If Gywneth Paltrow + Duffy had a lovechild...

No, this is not yet another cleverly-worded Ernessa diatribe about how Chris Martin and Gywneth Paltrow look so much alike, it really icks me out in a V.C. Andrews sort of way-- though they do. 

Here's Chris Martin and her brother Jake Paltrow. You try to figure out which is which.

But on the brighter, non-incesty side, if Gywneth Paltrow ... 

+ Duffy had a lovechild...

It would be a young Helen Mirren:

Don't you think? 

Sexy Summer Shows

Man, I love alliteration. Things I did this week re: Sexy Summer Shows

1. Tried to watch Swingtown, the new CBS show about swinging couples in the 70's. Shockingly boring. Turned it off after a few minutes. But if you want to see it, go here.

2. Watched the first two episodes of Showtime's Secret Diary of a Call Girl, starring our old friend Billie Piper from the revamped Dr. Who. Weirdly fascinating. Shocked that this wasn't given a weekend spot, ala Sex And The City. A lot of fun-but-civilized naughtiness, and I've always found British people cursing insanely cute. It made me really wish I had Showtime, but then I'd get nothing done. Still, click here for the first two episodes, then if you're like me, you can wait it out for the DVD release. 

Oh, BBC America, why didn't you pick up this series, so that I could watch it on basic cable? It's way better than Hotel Babylon -- though I love that one too. 

In other hot summer news, CH and I are spending the weekend moving into our newly remodeled upstairs, which is pretty damn sexy. To us.

Back for the Summer

So last year around this time, I blogged for 21 days straight up to my wedding, and then managed to keep this blog updated ALL summer.

Well, I finally secured a designer for my new and very much improved blog, which will launch this August, so I thought I should celebrate with a Summer challenge to keep the soon-to-be old blog updated until the new site is ready to go. Plus, I seriously need to get in writing shape for the new blog, since that one is costing me money and I'll definitely need to keep it updated (for tax write-off purposes alone).

And just in case that's not confusing enough, I wanted to kick off my umpteenth comeback with a retell of the strange (though fairly easy to decipher) dream I had last night. I would love to preface this by saying that I hate when people talk about their dreams and assurances that this dream is so special that I had to break my own rule not to be lame. But I can't b/c:

1. I actually love when people tell me about their dreams, as I get a kick out of trying to decipher them. I think I must have been some kind of shaman in a past life or something... And
2. I am lame. Obviously.

Look to the brightside. In the new incarnation of this blog, I'll be able to say things like "read about it after the jump" and then you can scroll down to the next item if you don't feel like reading about last night's dream. Yea for progress.

Anywho, here's the dream:

I go to a New Year's Eve party with all my friends from my all-women's college -- even the ones I no longer see/hangout with/speak to anymore. And they look like the college versions of themselves. I mean we're all wearing girly party dresses, and my friend, Sebrina has her hair in a big Afro, and my friend, Katie G. has long blond curly hair again. When we get inside, there's a great party going on and all my friends from Japan are also there -- again all of them look the way they look in Japan. We all start dancing. There's a really good band led my (for whatever reason -- but I'm absolutely not kidding) Tay Zonday. And we're all having a great time, but a few minutes before midnight, I realize that I'm cold and that I left my jacket at the house.

I run out into the dark and grab the jacket from the house I live in now. I get a little lost and confused, but eventually make my way back to the house with the party. However, when I get inside, I've missed the New Year's Eve countdown, and now the house is filled with my current friends -- mostly the L.A. Smithies, the Fillies, my friends from grad school, my husband, and a few of our mutual friends. They're all standing around and chatting and/or watching a Battlestar Galatica marathon on television. I'm sad I missed the countdown, but happy to be warm again.

I sit down on the couch next to my husband and say, "Ooh, a BSG marathon!"

Then I woke up to discover that I had stolen all the covers from my husband during the night.

Chocolate Rain...

Saturday Quickie -- Oh what a wonderful feeling...

Having not gotten much sleep over the past few days due to Quickie anticipation, it did occur to me that the actual event itself could be a little anti-climatic and that I should downgrade my expectations. But no can do, the film festival was AMAZING. Such a great hour of shorts. And our 8PM showing was absolutely packed with friends, disappointing porn and laughter -- and isn't that the best combination?

Normally at this point, I would be going through a pretty intense spot of after-project blues, but not just yet. We're having TWO more showings at 6pm and 8pm, tomorrow (Sunday, March 23rd). So you still have a couple of chances to come out cool, in the "be there or be square" equation.

Plus, I'm rocking green toenail polish these days, and I know you want to see that hotness.

Click on the pic for more info and to order your tickets online.

Friday Quickie -- Spring! Spring! Spring!

As many of you know, I like to switch to glasses and straight hair during the brutally cold (I think it got down to 42 degrees in February!) California winter months. I like to look intelligent and practical while whining 24/7 about how it's freezing when the temperature dips below 60. Yes, I know I grew up in Missouri and went to school in the even colder Massachusetts, but it's a California thing, you wouldn't/couldn't understand unless you lived here.

Well, Spring is officially here, so I've shed my glasses and switched to contacts. I've also started curling my hair again, since it actually has a chance of drying within a 24 hour period now. 

Come see the new look -- which is actually the old look from before winter if you've seen me since the Holidays and the exact same look as last time if you haven't -- at The Quickie. Click on the pic for more details.

Wed. and Thurs. Double Quickie -- Writing Music

So one of the main problems with writing for a living is that you really do have to write -- I mean even when you don't feel like it. Getting paid to write is kind of like sex. Usually it's great, but when you're not in the mood, you're really not in the mood, and unfortnately, you can't say, "Not tonight, honey" to a deadline -- though I've certainly thought about trying.

The other problem with writing is that it really does take a a lot of focus. This means my office door stays firmly shut while at work and it also means that I'm constantly on the search for what I call "Writing Music" -- this is basically music that is engaging and energetic but not distracting. Now this is a very hard bill to fill, b/c really, any music that has the first 2 qualities usually can't help but have the third.

But I've found a couple of nice solves for my music problem:

Vitamin String Quartet Tribute albums. This is an outfit that puts out classical string versions of pop faves. So great sound without all the distracting words. This takes some I-Tune sample minutes, b/c your favorite songs don't necessarily make for the best classical tracks. You really have to listen to the classical-fied samples in order to know whether you'll like it or not. But try The Coldplay Tribute. Also, even if you're not a fan of The Darkness (and you're a bad person if you aren't), the Vitamin String version of their first album kills.

My other writing life saver is French music. SO good, but not distracting, because I have no idea what they're talking about. Here's a rundown of some of my recent faves that aren't Daft Punk or Justice. If your favorite French song isn't on my list, let me know in the comments. Like I said, I'm always looking for more writing music.

"Quelqu'un M' A Dit" -- Carla Bruni: Makes me feel like I'm walking in a bittersweet French movie...

"La ballade du mois de juin" -- Benjamin Biolay: Makes me feel wistful.

"Mer Du Japon" -- Air: Makes me feel like I'm in a French writing montage.

"Abesses" -- Birdy Nam Nam: Makes me feel my deadline.

"Solta o Frango" and "Geremia" -- Bonde Do Role: They're actually Brazillian, but these songs make me want to join a French dance crew and breakdance for change and then write about it.

"Adventure" -- Le Peuple de L'Herbe: This song makes me jut my head from side to side while writing -- which is fun.

And guys, if you haven't discovered the glorious brilliance that is Yelle yet. Download "A Cause Des Garcons," "Je veux te voir," and "Ce Jeu" like yesterday. Also, check her out below.



BT-dub, know what else is sorta French -- my film for The Quickie. You'll have to come out to the event THIS weekend, March 22nd and March 23rd, to see what I mean by that. Click on the pic for tickets and more info.

Tuesday Quickie -- The Days Are Getting Longer

Okay, all the films are in, and my fellow Filly and festival coordinator, Sallie, has reported back that they are AMAZING! Hysterical, wonderful and beyond inventive. Apparently, this really is going to be our best experiment to date.

Normally, I'd be excited about this -- The Fillies knew the concept was festival gold as soon as we came up with it, and it's nice to see that we were right. But now, I'm feeling crazy-impatient, because I really want the weekend to get here. Upsetting but true -- Sallie doesn't allow anyone -- not even the other Fillies -- to see the full final product until game night, and I'm seriously afraid that the anticipation will kill me before Saturday.

But just in case I survive until then, do join us for the big event. We're giving you FOUR chances to see the films with showings at 6pm and 8pm on Saturday, March 22nd and Sunday, March 23rd.

Be there or be icky. Click on the pic for tickets and more details

Monday Quickie -- New Favorite Things

Our kick-ass new stove. If you haven't heard the stomach-turning story about what happened to the old one, buy a drink at The Quickie and ask me about it -- but not if you've just eaten.

Our kick-ass new refrigerator. Yes, it's currently residing in our dining room, but I have hopes and dreams about the catalog-worthy life filled with lots of refrigerator-door ice and water that we will live once it's installed.

Our kick-ass upstairs Moroccan light fixture.  CH made it light-bulb ready and installed it himself, while I oohed-and-aahed in the background. Everybody, if you can, marry a DP. 

Our kick-ass upstairs. After 8 months, it's finally looking ready, and our days of being that boring couple that can only talk about their on-going remodel may soon be over. In fact a little birdie has told me that we actually might be able to move in as early as (gasp!) this weekend -- though of course we'll have to put that off until next week, b/c we'll be at The Quickie. See you then. Click on the pic for more info and tickets.

Sunday Quickie -- Restoration

Having somehow escaped from the dark clutches of death once again and after a hectic weekend of Quickie business, I decided to wind down at Urth Yoga's Sunday night Relax and Restore class, which was being substitute-taught by my fellow Filly, Kalimba.

Basically it was a bunch of relaxing poses and breathing in the dark, with some massage thrown in -- as promised, very restorative, very relaxing. Also, the space is gorgeous. It's a self-billed Eco Yoga studio, and apparently, everything's made of non-toxic and recycled materials. By the time I left I was feeling like the world was a good place again. Perfect way to end a weekend, and totally worth checking out if your in the area (Silverlake, Echo Park, Los Feliz, Korea Town). But don't go next weekend.

Next weekend, you have plans. Click on the pic for details and tickets.

Saturday Quickie -- The Art of Art

Exhausting Saturday. But the for-sure highlight was hitting up the BCAM Inaugural Installation at LACMA with my fellow Smithies. I haven't been to LACMA since before they expanded the campus. And the new building is gorgeous. Clean and modern lines, but inviting and accessible. 

And even my in-the-know art friend, Karen, was mesmerized in childlike way by the clever elevator -- which is sort of like a cool floating room with wood floors and red and black accents. 

Totally worth seeing. Here are the pieces to seek out -- if you have my exact same tastes that I do:

Anything by Jeff Koons. You know how I love the bright colors.

Same goes for the John Baldessari installation. You know how I love the cynical words.

Also adored many of the Edward Ruscha pieces. You know how I love the ambiguous religious imagery.

And I also think the Damien Hirst "Away from the Flock" is worth seeking out. Yes, that's a sheep (lamb?) in formaldehyde. You know how I love hearing my friends say, "Ew!"

Robert Therrien: "Under The Table." This made me suddenly remember how much I used to love crawling under tables when I was a kid. You know how I love when art brings up forgotten feelings.

I originally spear-headed this LACMA trip based on a friend's (thanks Kimberly!) suggestion to see Chris Burden's Street Lamps installation (I was told not to call it an "exhibit" by an irate ticket seller/snob) -- and that was worth the price of a ticket. So do seek out all the Chris Burden stuff. Truly awesome, but not pictured here, b/c of the "justice" factor. 

But you know if you're more of a moving arts kind of fan, you should definitely come out to The Quickie. The film concepts that this theme has inspired will blow your mind. 100 % good time guarantee -- I can say this, because I've seen the alcohol budget. So do come out. Click on the pic for info and tickets.

Friday Quickie -- Common People

As many of you know, I fell head-over-heels in love with "Common People" by Pulp during my broke-as-a-joke 20's, and I'm an even bigger fan of the William Shatner version on his beyond brilliant Ben Folds-produced CD, Has Been. So how thrilled was I when the hubby sent around this Archie-reimagine of the lyrics?






See the original Pulp video here, and click here for the full-on Archie redux.

UPDATE: Re-reading this passage, I realize that it might seem that I'm saying that my husband, CH, did the Archie stuff, but that is not the case. Full credit and lots of blog hits should go to Chris at Chris's Invincible Super-Blog: History's Greatest Villian Since 2005.


Much love,
etc

P.S. And don't forget to get your Quickie tickets. One more week. Blah, blah, blah. Click on the picture.

Thursday Quickie -- Suffering for your Art

Apparently, little sleep + making a short in which 10 cigarettes are smoked 3 feet away from you + change of seasons + shady sinuses = Sick as a dog.

I woke up with a desert in my throat and a raw nerve where my sinuses usually reside. This is the first time I've been sick in almost two years. But unlike with past sickness, I didn't immediately conclude that it was tuberculosis or ask CH to get a gun and put me down like a dog -- I was tempted, but CH has informed him that it disturbs him deeply when I say things like that, so I just told him I didn't feel well. See, I'm growing up.

I actually had to call in sick, which I never do. But there are two things that give me solace:

1. CH making an early morning run for Halls Vapor-Action Lozenges, Thera Flu and Chicken Soup. Very sweet.

And...

2. That suffering for my art will all be worth it when you guys all come out to The Quickie on March 22 or March 23rd. Click on the pic for details and tickets.

Wednesday Quickie -- In defense of critics

My fellow blogger/playwright, Kyle, posted this funny item about "Angries" or critics who fuel up on free wine and then confront the playwright with cutting, suicide-inducing, on-the-spot reviews.

I don't think critics should ever engage in such poor behavior, but I will say this: I can somewhat understand the temptation to do so.

Though, many artists prefer to paint critics as bitter wannabes who can't do abd therefore they criticize others, this is, in most cases, I think, not true. During my short stint as a theater critic, when I gave very bad reviews, it wasn't out of jealousy or general animosity on my part, it was because the play was bad.

And as a theater critic, you have to see a lot of bad plays, which after the initial thrill of seeing theater for free wears off, makes you angry. And as time goes by, you start kind of hating any playwright that subjects you to works that are tedious, boring, self-indulgent, self-important, deeply unfunny, mastabutory and a bunch of other ugly adjectives that I'm sure, I too, could throw in the face of a playwright if I got drunk enough. Because this playwright has not only wasted my time, but also has no reason to live, and I don't get paid enough to have sit through such drivel.

Same goes for when an otherwise good play is ruined by a over-directing, over-acting, or just an over-terrible production.

In many ways, paying for plays is much preferrable to being a critic, because at least you can walk out. Until you've been forced to endure and stay awake through a bad play that clocks in at over 2 hours, don't presume to understand the critic's motivation.

You know how some vets have a hatred for war that goes way beyond the run-of-the-mill anti-war person's hatred for war, and sometimes gets them arrested? They'll tell you that's because they've seen a lot of bad shit while out in the trenches.

Same goes for theater critics, because for the most part the job is sitting through bad plays and reporting back to consumers as to whether they should see it or not. That's also why they tend to cream all over a playwright in print when the play is actually good.

So dearest playwrights, please don't take it personally when a critic lambasts you in writing. or much more inappropiately, in person. It's not you. It's your play. And it's set off someone's PTS.

Besides, I notice that no one ever complains when a critic, hopped up on cheap wine, gushes all over a playwright -- which is also inappropriate.

Hope this helps,
etc (the former critic)


P.S. -- See why I don't do criticism anymore? It makes you kind of harsh. I think my blood pressure actually went up while writing that piece.


P.S.S. -- As a recovering critic, I've since learned to appreciate art for art's sake and now actually enjoy seeing someone fail well -- especially if it seems like they were really putting some effort into it. Long live art!


P.S.S.S. -- Please come be part of my ongoing recovery. You can check out my latest directorial effort at The Quickie, and perhaps confront me angrily with your criticism afterwards. Click on the pic for details and tickets.

Tuesday Quickie -- My MGMT problem

Dearest,



So I've been raving on about "Time to Pretend" by MGMT (pronounced "management") for quite a while now. It's cynical and young and naive and intelligent and wise and existential and basically my favorite song of 2008 so far. Plus, I cannot stop watching the video. I love the Lord of the Flies kalaidascope acid trip aesthetic of it. Check it out here.



Also, if you're representing for theatre, do check out the interesting to def blog called "The Producer's Perspective" from Ken Davenport (self identified as the guy from the I-Phone commercial and the producer of Altar Boyz). I'm on deadline, yet ended up losing 45 minutes of my life on this page, and it makes me wish that more producers kept blogs.



One last thing: If you haven't gotten your Quickie tickets yet, click on the pic.



So much love,

etc

Monday Quickie - March 10, 2008

I was up filming until 11pm. Catching up with work until 12am. Then desperately trying to get to sleep b/c I knew I had to get up way early this morning until 1am. I somehow managed to drag myself out of bed on anxiety alone at 6am this morning, and the entire house reeked of cigarette smoke from last night's film shoot. In my Japan-grad school-pre-thirties days, this wouldn't have even fazed me, I would have gone to work, bragged about how little sleep I got, then hit the bar for the Monday night happy hour specials. But now I realize that I am officially too old for this kind of schedule. I'm tired and crankier than Dick Cheney at an Iraq War protest rally -- before he's had his coffee.


Anyway this is all to say, two things:


1.) This spring forward mess is bullshit, and


2.) You should all come out to see the film that officially made me old. Maybe we can pour out a bottle to my lost youth. Buy your tickets here.

Quickie Blog Series -- Sunday, March 9, 2008

Dearest,

In honor of Filly Film Cult's next film festival, The Quickie, I will be doing quickie blogs all the way up until the big event on March 22nd and 23rd. 

Sadly, there will be no disappointing porn. But hopefully you'll enjoy anyway.

Today's Quickie:

I finished my novel, Molly Ringwald Ending, two weeks ago, and have sent it off to an analyst. On his blog, Christopher Moore quoted Truman Capote as saying, "Finishing a book is like taking your child out in the backyard and shooting it." This, from what I can tell is entirely correct. I am just now getting over feeling depressed and completely untethered over this event.  After 2 and a half years, I felt rather bereft that it is for the most part done and ready to share, which is bizarre, b/c beforehand, I've always reveled in "having written." And usually cherish sending a work out into the world. But I suppose this is the difference between novel and playwriting.

I did however, manage to get a 3-page screenplay together for my Quickie entry, which I'm shooting today. It's moody and bizarre and stars Danielle Bisutti. Plus, I haven't written while depressed since 2005 (remember Grown-Ups on the Playground), so do come out to see the result. Info below, and tickets may be purchased here.

100% Love,

etc

What Should've Been My Christmas Blog

As many of you know, I'm not a huge fan of kids. In fact, I could count on my hands the number of kids I actually like, and only one of the those fingers belong to some one who's not related to me through genes or marriage.

So, when my lovely friend Kalimba sent me $20 in the mail and told me to do something "good" with it, I was just as surprised as the next person to find myself picking out toys for The L.A. Derby Dolls' Toy Drive.

The thing is that I didn't get a lot of toys as a kid. I've spoken about my mother's general disdain of Christmas, and in this consumerist culture, I go back and forth about whether my husband and I should indulge our future children with non-educational toys.

In fact, when I walked into the store, I planned on getting something educational.

But then I saw the monkey that blew bubbles.



And though, I was a rather grown-up kid, even I would have freaked out if I got this. I mean the monkey blows bubbles out of it's mouth. C'mon... how magic is that?

So here's me buying the monkey and a miniature pinball machine (the 20 in my hand is the one Kalimba sent)...


... and then here's me being directed to the Toy Drive box by two Derby Dolls in short skirts.


Yes, I got a beer first. What?

Yes, I realize that I'm pretty much all hair in these pictures.

And yes, donating toys did somehow make me feel like a kid again .

Thanks, Kalimba!

To see the rest of Kalimba's giving experiment, go here, and you know, think about doing somethin' nice for somebody in 2008.

Much love,
etc

1 + 1 = 2 Damn Dope

My favorite show plus my favorite old skool rap song coming together for a trailer!!! My dreams have come true. But why oh why did we get rid of HBO?

Still, thanks to Sincere Thoughts for hepping me to the 5th season Wire trailer. Look forward to watching when it comes out on DVD.

As Promised...

... if a few weeks late. Here's the movie that I made for Filly Film Cult's Silent Night Film Festival.

Set-up: We were given 2 minutes worth of black-and-white Super 8 film, 2 minutes worth of music, and we had to do an in-camera edit.

Lessons Learned: Homemade sharpie-and-white-paper title cards while easy are not a good idea. If you want to flip someone off on film properly, you make sure your arm is extended far in front of your body. The word "rolling" can often be lost if you're too busy laughing and talking with your friends.

To my credit: I overcame my on-camera acting phobia to sub in for an actress who couldn't make it at the last minute.

Other credits:

Guy: Davitt Felder
Tall Woman: Kalimba Bennett
Redhead: Tracey Rooney

DP: My Wonderful Husband

Hope you enjoy; let me know what you think!

11 Things You May or May Not Want to Know Right Now

Hey Guys! A few things...

1. I'm in the process of moving my blog to a more serious service and engaging a designer. So if you know any good designers, send their names my way.

2. Just joined Facebook. If you're on it, hit me up. And if you're not, turn back from this road of evil. CH finally got me to sign up for it, and I'm already scarily addicted. I've actually been comparing it to a story I had once read, in which this girl's boyfriend convinced her to try heroin, cue the downward spiral.

3. If you visit one site on my blog roll, hit up Stereohyped. It's run by Lauren Williams, the sister of Tia Williams, the woman behind "Shake Your Beauty (also in my blog roll)," and it's beyond smart and fabulous. I love my sister, but if I had a chance to be part of the William's family, Liz might get an introduction to the curb. I would say "just kidding," but I know that my sister never reads by blog, which is yet another reason to maybe jump sibling ships.

4. "Talk To Me" is out on DVD. Please rent it, so that I can keep you on my friend list.

Quote from my August 18, 2007 post:

"TALK TO ME" ... If you haven't seen me since I saw this movie, then you probably don't know that I've decided not be friends with anyone who hasn't seen this film within three months of it coming out on DVD. I (obviously) ADORED it, for too many reasons to properly name. So if it's playing in your city, do our friendship a boon, and go see it.

5. Halfway through my novel rewrite. Hope to clock serious time on it during the holiday season.

6. "American Gangster" is highly recommended. It starts off with Denzel setting a man on fire then shooting him several times, but somehow I walked out of there, convinced of the power of hard work and determined to organize my time better.

7. "Dan in Real Life" is also highly recommended. And now, I'm officially in love with Juliette Binoche. But the desire that I have held since college to hear a white parent say to their off-the-crazy-hook-acting-a-straight-fool white kid, "Hey you are the child, I am the adult. You need to calm this sassing back shit way the fuck down" has yet to be satisfied.


8. No, I'm not out of work with the strike. Radio Writers are in no way affiliated with the WGA, but I do support it. My friend, Clark, is writing about it much better than I could over at clarkblog, so do hit him up. He also has a great post on what you can do to support if you don't have time to walk the picket line -- hint, it's easy -- just don't watch your favorite programs online.

9. The raccoons kept coming back, and now we've got this door that only opens when it senses the little electronic doo-hickey on our cat's neck. I can now sleep easy at night.

10. Super Huge Thanks to all that came out to the Silent Film Festival. Fun was supposedly had by most. And I'll be posting the film that I directed in the coming week.

11. An Arclight just opened up across the street from where I work in Sherman Oaks, further convincing me that life really is beautiful.

That's all.

110% Love,
etc

Not sure if I've mentioned this yet...

But The Silent Night Film Festival is happening SATURDAY, OCTOBER 13. That's either tomorrow night or tonight depending on when you read this. Hopefully, it's not last night or two nights ago. Because that might mean you missed it, and that would be sad.

So come out and drink somes drinks, buy some our spankin new filly t-shirts (they're really cute!), watch some silent films, and have some serious fun.

This is my 100% Good Time Guarantee, so here's the info:

Screening Times: 7:30pm and 9:00pm

Location:
Theatre/Theater
5041 W. Pico Blvd. (in the Pico Redevelopment district.)

Go to http://www.fillyfilmcult.com/ to buy tickets and get more info.

Be THERE or be GOSSIP!

Purchase tickets here: http://fillyfilmcult.com/thesilentnight/audience/rsvp.htm

Purchase tickets here: http://fillyfilmcult.com/thesilentnight/audience/rsvp.htm

Questions? Contact the Fillies: http://us.f828.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=info@fillyfilmcult.com

This Hiatus Stuff Is Not Going So Well...

Awesome People!

This just in. Artshare has a permit situation, so we had to CHANGE THE LOCATION for the Silent Film Festival.

We're now going to do it at Theatre/Theater, which is located at 5041 W. Pico St, in the Pico Redevelopment district.

I've actually written and directed one of the movies, and this event is going to be SOOOO much fun, so do come out. Go to www.fillyfilmcult.com for tickets and more info. Looking forward to seeing you all there!

110% Love,
etc

Must Break My Self-Imposed Silence

For this public service announcement:

"Boondocks" starts up again October 8th on Adult Swim at 11:30

These new shows rock (in no particular order):

"Dirty Sexy Money"
"Carpoolers"
"Gossip Girl"
"Life"

These old shows are still rockin' (in no particular order)

"House"
"The Game" (can you say "Drama!")
"Friday Night Lights"
"America's Next Top Model" (yes, I'm still standing by it. It's like candy.)
"How I Met Your Mother"

I'm withholding my opinion on the rest for now. But I'm standing by my assertion that "CAVEMEN" sucks. Stay away from that show. I also might be putting out a bad Quantam Leap APB on "Journeyman," but I'm going to give it a few more episodes before I make my final decision.

That is all. Back to my hiatus now.